Spirit Bound - Christine Feehan [46]
“I refuse to be worried.” She threw herself onto the bed beside Blythe and caught her hands. “Be happy with me. Let me have this. More than likely tomorrow I’ll realize it was all me and he really was feeling my emotions amplified a million times over.”
“And if that isn’t the case?”
“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”
“I’m calling Jonas.”
Judith shrugged. “I’m fine with that. He isn’t going to find anything.”
“And you’ll have to tell Levi and Rikki,” Blythe cautioned.
“Levi can make himself scarce,” Judith said. “It’s only for a couple of hours. I won’t take Thomas anywhere near their house or Lexi’s.”
Blythe raised her eyebrow. “You don’t really understand Levi, do you, Judith? He isn’t the kind of man to make himself scarce. He’s going to worry about Rikki and you as well. He’ll be around and he’ll be watching, probably with a rifle on your Thomas the entire time.”
Judith sighed. “Life certainly can get complicated fast. I just want to spend a little time with him, maybe feel like this a time or two more, even if it isn’t really reciprocated.” Her dark eyes met Blythe’s. “Wouldn’t you want to feel this way again? You had it once.”
There was a small silence. Blythe turned away from her, pacing across the floor on long legs, her shoulders and back stiff. Shame washed over Judith. She followed her oldest sister across the room and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Blythe. I didn’t mean that the way it came out. I wasn’t trying to attack you. I just meant that feeling again, waking up as a woman is amazing, and I know you felt this way at least once. This is my time. Maybe my only time.”
She studied Blythe’s averted face and made her confession in a little rush. “I was such an innocent when I met Jean-Claude, so silly, mistaking his lifestyle and strength for the real thing. I was so impressed with him and I thought the sun rose and set with him. I didn’t pay attention to what he really was, just with what I thought he was, building a fantasy man in my head that didn’t exist. I didn’t even understand what love was back then.”
Blythe turned her head and Judith could see her face was streaked with tears. “It’s okay, Judith. I always fall apart around this time of year. It really has nothing to do with you.”
“I’m just so embarrassed that I let a man like Jean-Claude into my life when I should have known better. All the warning signs were there, they were, Blythe. I didn’t want to see them. I heard whispers and I ignored them. I saw the look on some people’s faces and alarms would go off in my head, but I didn’t stop. I just kept on with my ridiculous fantasy. And when it all came crumbling down, that precious princess in her golden tower dream, I couldn’t even handle it myself.”
Judith sank back down onto the bed and gripped the intricate footboard. “I made such a mess out of so many people’s lives and got my brother murdered in the process. That should have been me, not him. I guess I don’t deserve to feel this way, do I?”
“Judith!” Blythe swung around. “Don’t you ever say that again. Do you think Rikki doesn’t deserve happiness with Levi?”
“She was innocent. She didn’t start the fires that killed her parents and her fiancé.”
“And you aren’t any more responsible for your brother’s death, or even what happened to any of the others involved.”
Judith gripped the footboard tighter. “Really? Do you really believe that, Blythe? It was my emotions swinging so far out of control that provoked all those people.”
“You had no idea you were a spirit element. You’d never even heard the term before, let alone known what it was or how it worked. You didn’t know anything about psychic gifts or how to contain or use them properly. Of course your emotions were intense. Your brother was tortured and murdered in front of you. Did you think you’d be gentle Judith, smiling sweetly at the men who had committed such an atrocity? That isn’t even reasonable.”
“I guess none of us are very reasonable when it comes to our own lives. I say that very same thing to you, Blythe, yet you still take responsibility