Spirit Bound - Christine Feehan [96]
Instantly a great cosmos burst through all the blood and gore and rage like a wild primordial mix of pure emotions. The pinpoints of exploding stars unwittingly revealed Judith’s character no matter how hard she tried to conceal it from herself and the sight was raw beauty and yet terrifying. Chaos reigned, and still there was order. Passionate hatred and love mixed together in a swirl of stark, raw emotion no other human had the right to witness. He was looking into Judith’s exposed soul.
He saw the truth of what and who she was. She had spent five long years working up her anger and need for revenge because Jean-Claude La Roux deserved to pay for what he’d done, yet her true essence always prevailed. The light in her, the compassion and natural brightness refused to be dimmed. She trapped those dark emotions in one room and tried to live there, tried to separate herself, become something she wasn’t and could never be, but he knew when he viewed each separate cell he would see those bursting rays of light spreading over the dark, hostile buildup of her need to take revenge.
The shame and guilt she felt was not as much over the death of her brother and the policeman—she’d worked through her responsibility over the years, and had obviously come to the conclusion that the circumstances were beyond her abilities at that time. But shame and guilt had grown in this room, stayed hidden here, like a terrible wound she couldn’t cauterize. She was incapable of making another human being suffer. She certainly couldn’t kill someone. He had no doubt she would defend herself and those she loved passionately, but to kill cold-bloodedly was an impossibility for a woman with her character, and deep down, she knew it.
Judith wanted to avenge her brother, she even felt she should, but she was not the kind of woman who would ever do such a thing and guilt ate at her constantly. She felt as though she were letting him down all over again. It was no wonder she didn’t sleep.
It had been natural for Judith to call on her older brother to help her out of a bad situation. He’d raised her after her parents had died. He’d been the one she’d always counted on and of course he had rushed to help her. She probably closed her eyes and saw him looking at her accusingly. In her painting, Paul’s eyes had been wide open, staring at his sister as the life ran out of him and she saw his indictment of her guilt. Stefan knew better, knew that was her conscience talking.
The revelation brought out those protective instincts he hadn’t known existed until Judith, every bit as raw and stark and passionate as her wild chaotic emotions. He needed to wrap himself tightly around her and shield her from outside eyes until she could bring the two halves of her spirit back together. She had to forgive herself for being gentle and kind. For being compassionate. Judith didn’t seem to realize the world would be a much better place populated with people like her instead of people like him.
She feared her own passionate nature so much that she thought about death, about ways to keep others she loved safe. She was so afraid that her darker emotions, as natural as they might be, would contribute to the pain and suffering of others she loved.
Stefan shook his head. He was not about to let her go. He knew he had the capability to fill every shadowed space inside of her with his own spirit, merge so deeply that she would never feel the burden alone again. His gifts somehow intertwined with hers, allowing him such intimate closeness that he knew he could shield not only Judith, but others around them until she had full understanding and control of her gift.
He had to leave this place of sorrow and revenge before the emotions trapped inside became too overwhelming even for his