Spirit Walk_ Old Wounds (Book 1) - Christie Golden [57]
“Traitor!” cried Kaz, surging upward. “Murderer!”
There was a warm hand on his. Gradak/Jarem knew that he was safe aboard Voyager, in Astall’s quarters. The Huanni knew what she was doing, and he trusted her. The hand was a lifeline, solid and reassuring. He clutched it hard, feeling the long, thin, delicate bones of her fingers give beneath the pressure. In a distant part of his mind, he knew he was hurting her. But she didn’t let go.
“Gradak Kaz,” Astall said, “your memories are in the forefront now. Jarem has given you the space to speak.”
Jarem felt Gradak’s pain and hope. The need to speak, to share his pain, to let this kind female know what had happened to him, to Vallia, to the thousands on Tevlik’s moon. He looked at her with eyes that both saw and did not see, and opened his mouth.
For an instant, the sound was familiar and alien at the same time. Then Kaz realized what it was: the noise of his combadge.
“Chakotay to Dr. Kaz and Commander Astall. Report to the bridge at once.”
Chapter
15
KAZ CLUTCHED Astall’s hands so hard he feared he would snap the bones.
“No,” he gasped. “Listen to me. Listen! I have to tell you—”
Astall squeezed his hands and then disengaged herself from their grip.
“Take slow, deep breaths,” she said softly. “I’ll be back in a moment.”
He heard her talking in a quiet voice, heard Chakotay answer, but didn’t give a damn about the words. Inside, Gradak’s memories, raw and seething like a lava pit, were demanding acknowledgment.
Again, Kaz felt the light touch of the Huanni’s hand, this time gently stroking his forehead.
“It’s important,” she said softly. “Captain Chakotay wants to see both of us on the bridge. I’m so sorry, but we’ll have to finish this at a later time.”
“Later?” There was nothing of Jarem in the vitriolic tone of voice. This was Gradak, in agony, outraged at again being ignored and pushed aside.
“Gradak,” said Astall, her voice completely unruffled by the outburst, “You will be heard. I swear this to you. But the body in which your memories dwell has a duty to his people, just as you did to yours. He’s needed now. You will not interfere with him.”
“He understands,” said Jarem, his voice hoarse from the screams. “But he’s not going back to where he was. Not until he’s damn good and ready.”
“I’m not surprised,” said Astall. There was a hint of admiration in her voice. “Gradak was clearly a very strong individual. Now, Jarem Kaz. Take another deep breath. See yourself settling back firmly into your body, and then open your eyes.”
He did as she told him, and it was a relief to look down at his body and see it whole and without blood-stains. He realized he was trembling.
She helped him sit up. “How do you feel?” she asked, her big purple eyes full of concern as she stroked his hair gently.
“Okay,” he said, lying a little. His heart was racing.
She searched his face. “Jarem, if you like, I can relieve you of duty for a few hours. We can go ahead and finish this.”
He grimaced. “Absolutely not,” he said. “This is the first time the captain has asked for me, and I’m not going to put him off.”
Her ears flapped gently, revealing her concern even more clearly than her expression did.
“I don’t like the thought of you running around with Gradak so intensely active in your head.”
“He’s always been in my head, as have the others.”
“Not like this.”
“No,” Kaz was forced to agree, “not like this. But I can manage.”
“If you have any suspicions that you can’t,” she said, “I want you back here immediately. Is that understood?”
Kaz had to grin. “Aye, ma’am. Come on. We need to get to the bridge and find out what’s going on.”
Sekaya reached the holodeck and stared at the closed doors. She took a deep, steadying breath.
“Computer, open door to Holodeck One.”
The door opened. Sekaya was puzzled when she peered into the holodeck and saw only an empty room that looked rather like a cargo bay.
“Computer,” she asked, “Where is