Standing in the Rainbow - Fannie Flagg [61]
Ida stood with phone in hand and her mouth open. Elner, the oldest sister, had practically raised her when their mother died and had rarely if ever spoken harshly to her in her life. Still, Elner said later, “I hated to do it, but drastic times calls for drastic measures.”
The next day Elner was way back in the yard picking butter beans when she heard the phone ringing. Whoever was calling would not hang up, so she figured she better get it in case someone was dead. When she picked it up an excited young Norma was on the other end.
“Aunt Elner?”
“Hey.”
“You are not going to believe what happened. Mother said I could marry Macky and not have to go off to school.”
Aunt Elner pretended to be surprised. “Well, I’ll be . . . What did she say?”
“She told me that if I wanted to ruin my life and destroy my chances of happiness forever that I had her permission—isn’t that great?!”
“Oh, honey, I just couldn’t be happier for you,” she said while emptying the butter beans from her apron into a bowl. “I told you she’d come around.”
“You did. Anyhow, we’re going down to the church this afternoon and set up the date.”
“Good. Best to move fast before she changes her mind. You tell little Macky I’m glad it worked out.” A little while later, after Elner had her beans cooking on the stove, the phone rang again. This time it was Macky. “Mrs. Shimfissle, I just called to thank you. I know you must have done something to get Norma’s mother to change her mind.”
“No no, honey, she has her own mind. She did that all by herself.”
“Just the same, if you had not said something, and I know you did, it’s no telling what that crazy woman might have done to break us up.”
“I’m just glad it’s all going to work out. . . . And, honey . . . I know Ida’s caused you and Norma a lot of trouble but try not to be too hard on her. With all of her faults, I don’t think she means to hurt people. She’s just desperate to be somebody she’s not and doesn’t know how to go about it.”
“I’ll try,” Macky said, “but it won’t be easy.”
“Good, because don’t forget: For better or for worse, she’s your mother-in-law now.” There was a long silence on the other end before Macky said good-bye.
Elner turned to her cat Sonny and said, “Uh-oh, I may have just killed that marriage with my big mouth.”
But she hadn’t. The wedding went off. Ida somehow managed to pull herself together, at least until the honeymoon, but hope springs eternal. On the off chance that Macky should suddenly become wealthy in the hardware business, for one of her wedding presents she gave Norma the book How to Handle Household Servants and Staff by Vivian Clipp.
Progress
She was in her kitchen doing a last-minute check of the show when she heard Mother Smith call out, “Dorothy!” She looked up and it was 9:28. Dorothy rushed down the hall with the papers and with Princess Mary Margaret running behind her, barking frantically. “Here I am!” she said as she ran through the door at the last minute. She waved at the sizable audience in the room. “Hello, sorry I’m late,” she said as she sat down just as the red light came on and the theme music started.
“Good morning, everybody. . . . It’s another beautiful day over here and I hope it’s just as nice where you are . . . but first, before I say another word, if you are wondering why I sound a little funny this morning, I want you to know that I have not been in the kitchen hitting on the cooking sherry.” Mother Smith played one bar of “How Dry I Am.” Dorothy laughed. “The reason I sound this way is I was up at Dr. Orr’s this morning and got a filling and the Novocain has not worn off yet and so, with that disclaimer, on with the show.
“Independence Day is just around the corner, so hurray and three cheers for the red, white, and blue. Glenn Warren down at the VFW post says that all the food they will be serving on the Fourth of July will be red, white, and blue—red beets, mashed potatoes, white-meat chicken only, blueberry