Star Trek_ Generations - J M. Dillard [19]
He had looked to Scott then, unable to believe that there would not be yet another miracle, some way to pull his friend and captain from deaths jaws once more. They had done it before, after all, when Kirk had been trapped in interstitial space near the Tholian border. They had thought him dead then, but he had survived.
Why not now?
But Scott merely sighed as he looked at the empty command chair, then shook his head. Just a quick run around the block, he whispered bitterly.
No, Chekov said, and felt the sting of tears behind his eyes as reality finally sank home. It cant be. I never thought it would end like this …
Scott stepped over beside his friend and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. All things must end, lad.
The two men yielded to grief for a time, unconscious of reporters and the cameras glare, until at last Harriman said quietly, Lets go home.
And he moved over to the conn and took his place as captain of the Enterprise.
FIVE
On the bridge of the Starship Excelsior, Captain Hikaru Sulu sat in his command chair gazing out at stars and darkness hurtling past on the viewscreen as he sipped his tea. At the moment, the bridge was calm as a glassy sea. The past few days had been slow enough to allow him the luxury of reflection; Excelsior was returning from a star-mapping expedition in the Thanatos sector. There was nothing left but the long journey home, then reassignment. And so, Sulu was left with hours to do little else but contemplate. Today, the subject was timehow, with each star streaking by, another second passed that could not be recaptured; another second that led him inexorably toward the unknown future.
Sulu smiled privately to himself, amused at his own moroseness, and decided it was directly related to the launch of the Enterprise-B. Hed felt both disappointed and relieved that he would not return to Earth in time to attend; disappointed, because he would have liked to share Demoras exhilaration on the day of her first mission, and see all his old friends again. At the same time, he felt relief that he would not have to be reminded once again that old times could never be revived.
And yetit was good to be reminded of the impermanence of things. Grief was the product of useless grasping at the unattainable; happiness came from accepting the fact of change, and even ones own death. The Buddhists had a useful meditation for just that: Imagine yourself, alive and well and happy.
Now, imagine yourselfdead, your skin cold and graying, your body growing stiff.
Imagine your dead body decaying, alive with maggots, the flesh coming away from the bones as it dissolves, returns to the earth …
He had contemplated his own death enough times to no longer be horrified by it. But the concept of loss still troubled him. Someday, Sulu told himself, this gleaming ship would be gone. Just as the original Enterprise herself was gone, destroyed as they had stood on the Genesis planet and watched her streak to her death across a twilight sky. Perhaps he would not lose Excelsior so violently; perhaps he would merely surrender her to another captain.
He glanced up from his reverie as his first officer, Masoud Valtane, let out a gusting sigh. A xenogeologist, Valtane had been restless of late because he had run out of new planets to play with. Sulu repressed a fond smile as Valtane, who stood in his customary place at the captains left, began to nervously stroke his dark mustache. Valtane was not beloved by the crew, in part because of his total ineptness at social relationships and his reputation as a stickler for detail on the job. But over time, Sulu had grown to like him, because hed learned that Valtanes social clumsiness came not from aloofness, as most assumed, but from his almost childlike lack of pretense.