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Oh. Yes. McCoy retook his seat; the Vulcan settled beside him. For a moment, the two sat in comfortable silence, their gazes directed ahead, at the lilies beside the podium. And then McCoy said, Spock … do you remember when we were in Yosemite, with Jim? When he said that he always knew hed die alone?

Yes, Spock answered evenly.

I cant help thinking I should have been there with him. I mean, I know you couldnt beyou were involved in a mission with your fatherbut I was simply off with Joanna watching my grandchilds graduation. I guess I could have gone to the Enterprise-Bs christening if I had really wanted to. But … I didnt. I was tired of Starfleet, and, frankly, didnt want to have to waste my time aboard a ship where we werent needed. I resented being put on display. The doctor hesitated. I just cant stop thinking: If Id gone with him, maybe he wouldnt have

Doctor, Spock interrupted firmly, your presence there would have made no difference. The captain would have sent you to sickbay, and he would still have gone to the deflector room. Even had you been with him in the deflector room He paused; the barely perceptible glimmer of sorrow in his eyes told McCoy that the Vulcan had shared the same guilt, and had logically reasoned it through. it would have only made things more difficult for him. He would have been concerned for your safety.

McCoy digested this a moment. Maybe youre right … I guess if he had to leave us, he went the way he wanted: saving the Enterprise.

Spock angled his long face toward the doctor and somehow managed to convey the notion of a smile without moving the comers of his lips a fraction of a millimeterthough, McCoy noticed, the comers of his eyes crinkled almost imperceptibly. It is not such a bad way to die.

McCoy turned his head sharply at that. Thats right,.. you should know, shouldnt you? The memory of Spocks agonizing death from radiation exposure was almost too horrible to bear, and still sent a shudder through him. Yet there was some comfort knowing that Jims end had been less painful, more mercifully swift. You know something?

The Vulcan faced him silently, waiting.

I feel sorry for you, Spock. He said it kindly, sincerely, without any of the acerbity he had directed at the Vulcan in the past. Because youre gonna outlive all of us. And youre going to have to experience the loss of a dear friend over and over again. He paused, trying to keep his tone light and jesting, to keep the huskiness from his voice, and failed. Thats what you get for hanging around us humans. No katras to preserve for posterity, no last-minute trips to Mount Seleya to bring us back …

Sudden tears filled his eyes, turning Spocks stoic countenance into a blur. Damn, McCoy said, as they spilled hot onto his cheeks, then swore again at the sound of his shaking voice. Damn. Im sorry, Spock. He quickly wiped them away with the outer edge of an index finger, and riffled through his pockets for a handkerchief. I promised myself I wouldnt do this to you …

Its all right, the Vulcan said softly. I have served with humans for many years. I am therefore quite accustomed to emotional displays.

McCoy smiled apologetically through his tears as he continued to search his pockets. No handkerchief, but he pulled out something that made his smile grow sincere. Look at this, SpockI bet you thought Id tucked this away in some drawer and forgotten about it. He held up the Vulcan mandala, its coppery finish turned green from countless fingerprints. I carry it around with me. Call it my Vulcan good-luck charm. He managed a feeble imitation of a chuckle. I think maybe I ought to contemplate it a bit before the others get here. My logics not doing so good these days.

He hesitated, remembering, rubbing the metal between his fingers. Remember the day you gave this to me?

Of course, Doctor.

And Jim gave me that clock. Seems like only yesterdaybut here it is already a year. I was up all last night, listening to Jims clock strike the hours, from