Star Trek_ Generations - J M. Dillard [68]
He could not escape it. As much as he wanted to merge again with the sense of utter belonging, utter happiness, he could not ignore the fact that it had been purchased with blood.
Two hundred thirty million livesbecause he had failed to stop Soran.
No, he said, to the seductive tug that pulled him back toward the children, toward joy. This isnt right. This cant be real …
Its as real as you want it to be.
He started at the sound of a voicea truly familiar voice, one he had known from another reality. He wheeled and saw Guinan, looking much as she had the day he had questioned her about Soran.
Guinan … whats going on? Where am I? It had occurred to him that this was a strange mental state induced by dying … but he was not dead. His flesh seemed to him perfectly solid.
Her answer was the one he expected. Youre in the nexus.
This … He swept his gaze over the family room. … is the nexus?
For you, she said. This is where you wanted to be.
He shook his head. But I never had a wife, children, a home like this …
A knowing smile spread across her lips. Enjoy them, Jean-Luc.
Guinan … He frowned at a sudden realization as the memory of his former life came flooding back. What are you doing here? I thought you were on the Enterprise.
I am on the Enterprise. I am also here. At his puzzled look, her smile widened. Think of me as … an echo of the person you know. A part of her she left behind.
Left behind … ?
When the Enterprise-B beamed us off the Lakul, we were partially in the nexus. The transporters locked on to us … but somehow everyone left a part of themselves behind.
Soran … ? Picard asked.
All of us, she said softly.
Where is he now?
Wherever he wanted to be …
Papa!
Picard turned at the sound of Thomass voice. The boy was constructing a building out of small interlocking blocksa toy his father had played with for many happy hours as a child. Papa, help me build my castle.
He sighed, tempted to return to the fantasys warm embrace, but gathered himself. In a few minutes, he said, smiling at his son.
He turned back to Guinan and said, awed, These are my children. My children …
She eyed them fondly. Yeah. Theyre great, arent they? You can go back and see them born … go forward and see your grandchildren. Time has no meaning here.
Elise poked her head in the room, then disappeared just as quickly. Dinners ready! Lets go! Your aunt and uncle and cousins are here, and theyre hungry!
Happy shouts came from around the tree; toys were dropped, crumpled paper kicked carelessly aside as the children scrambled toward the dining room.
Picard glanced toward the adjacent room and caught a glimpse of shadowy figures moving toward a long table. One of them laughedan abrupt, deep, throaty sound.
Robert. He closed his eyes, struggled to compose himself.
He was in the nexus; which meant that two hundred thirty million innocents had died. And for what? None of this was real. Robert and René were not really here, really alive. In reality, he would be assumed dead, destroyed in the shock wave. And Lursa and BEtor might very well possess the ability to cause such massive destruction again.
The youngest boy, Matthew, lingered, and took his fathers hand in his small warm one. Papa … are you coming?
Picard gazed down into his childs earnest, delicate face. A rush of tenderness overwhelmed him, filled him with a contentment, a peace beyond that induced by any drug. He turned his back to Guinan and let Matthew lead him one step, another, toward the laughter and happy voices emanating from the dining room.
On the way, they passed the tree. Once more, the flickering light inside the glass globe caught his eye.
He stopped in midstride. Matthew looked up at him, quizzical.
Is something wrong, Papa?
No. Picard bent down toward the boy and rested a hand briefly, lightly on his cheek. Im fine, Matthew. I just have to … hide Mamans present so I can give it to her after dinner. Go on. Go on without me …
Matthews hazel eyes, so like his fathers, held such innocence, such loving concern that for an instant,