Star Wars_ I, Jedi - Michael A. Stackpole [20]
The Jedi’s chambers reminded me of the very spare condition of the safehouse in which Mirax and I had come to live. The freedom from distractions made the rooms feel peaceful. Time seemed to slow here and for the first moment since I’d discovered Mirax was gone, I didn’t feel as if a sandstorm was scourging my brain.
Luke looked over at us from the small kitchenette and gave us a smile. “Wedge, good to see you again. And you as well, Captain Horn. Can I offer you something to drink?”
“Caf, if you have it.” Wedge hid a yawn with the back of his right hand. “You keep it dark enough in here for me to drop off right now.”
“Caf it shall be, then.” The Jedi Master looked at me and I felt electricity run through his blue-eyed gaze. When we had met before I had felt power in him, but now, after his experiences with the Emperor Reborn, his power had been redoubled. Physically he looked a bit haggard and worn, with the flesh around his eyes having tightened and wrinkles appearing at their corners. I knew we were the same age chronologically, but in experience he far surpassed me.
“And for you, Captain? I keep some of that Gizer Pale Blue ale here for Han. I’m having hot chocolate.”
I thought for a moment, then shook my head. “Too early to start drinking, and I’m not sure I’d want to stop. And I certainly don’t need to be more awake.”
“Your agitation is easy to sense.” Luke gestured toward the simple chairs and low table opposite the food prep station. “Why don’t you explain what the problem is.”
The soothing calmness of his voice helped quell the riot of emotions in me as I took a seat. Wedge sat at my right hand and Luke across from him. I leaned forward in my seat, resting my elbows on my knees. I took in a deep breath, held it for a moment and slowly exhaled.
“My wife, Mirax, is missing. She was off on a mission for General Cracken, a mission to see if she could discover the location of the Invidious so we could put an end to Leonia Tavira’s raids.” I hesitated, chewing my lower lip for a second. “She’d not have gone except for the fact that I said once the Invids were dealt with, we could make a decision about having kids. If I hadn’t put that condition on making the decision, she wouldn’t have gone to Cracken and wouldn’t have been taken away.”
Luke reached out and laid a hand on my left arm. “Take a moment. Calm yourself. You are building on a foundation that is not sound.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You are taking responsibility for Mirax’s actions—responsibility that is not yours to take.” Luke kept his voice low and even, forcing me to focus so I could hear his words. “She may have gone to Cracken to help end the Invid raids for a whole host of reasons. Clearly she wanted to help you and Rogue Squadron deal with them quickly. You think what she did was dictated by your postponement of a decision. She was probably more interested in keeping you and your friends alive.”
Wedge nodded. “You have to admit, Corran, that what Luke’s just described is exactly the sort of thing she would do.”
I shut my eyes for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Good point. You’re right, but that doesn’t mean part of her disappearance is not my fault.”
Luke’s hand tightened on my forearm. “Your sense of guilt is natural, but you can’t let it paralyze you. I am curious, though, about one thing. You say she has been ‘taken away.’ How do you know that?”
“I don’t know, I just know. I was sleeping, waiting for her to come back home, when I heard her call my name. Then I heard her scream it, then there was nothing.” I opened my eyes and locked gazes with the Jedi Master. “I could feel she was gone—not dead, just cut off from me. And then I began to forget details of her and our life. I could look around the room and identify things that she had brought to the house or that she had owned or used, but I got no emotional details.