Star Wars_ MedStar 02_ Jedi Healer - Michael Reaves [71]
All this the spy knew to be true, of course. But the bottom line was that it was still going to be extremely difficult to look these people—one, in particular—in the eyes and pretend to know nothing about the impending doom.
It had to be done, however. To not meet their eyes, to act in any way departing from normal, any fashion that might cause the slightest bit of suspicion, could be disastrous. Column turned to the door. It was time to mingle with them, share their friendship, joy—and love—now, while there was still a little time left.
26
Of all moments, the instant of realization came to Barriss as she was washing up to join the sabacc table over at the cantina. She reached for a towel to dry the water from her face and hands—she preferred water-washing to ultrasonic, even when the latter was working in her kiosk. And, as she caught sight of her wet features in the mirror above the small sink, it abruptly came to her:
The answer is in the Force.
This shouldn’t have been a revelation. It was something she had been told a thousand times, at least, a litany that every Jedi student grew up hearing: When in doubt, trust the Force. You may not always interpret it correctly, but the Force never lies.
She knew that. Had learned it early, had had it come to mean more and more to her as she had grown older, and had, at a very basic level, never doubted it. The Force doesn’t let you down—it is eternal, infinite, and omnipresent. If you can figure out what to ask, where to look, how to get to it, the answer you need is always there.
How many times, after all, had Master Unduli said the words to her, gently and with the calmness of complete conviction?
Use the Force, Barriss.
Don’t think, don’t worry, don’t get caught up in the small details, the nagging concerns, of it. Just use the Force, trust it, embrace it. Because that’s where Jedi live. Not in the past, or the future, but in this eternal moment of joyous realization, this everlasting now. Don’t let fear of failure keep you from taking the chance.
Barriss dried her face, hung up the towel, and looked into the mirror. Her face, calmer and more composed than it had appeared to her in a long time, looked back. Yes, of course. It was so simple, really: a perfect example of those enigmatic riddles that Master Yoda liked to pose as ways to help your mind let go of linear thoughts and concepts. The question was: how should she determine whether or not to use the bota again to increase her connection to the Force?
Ask the Force.
And what, so far in her life, had been the strongest, the most powerful, the best connection she had had to the Force?
The bota.
She could see Master Yoda, smiling and nodding gently, in her mind’s eye. The bota was a key, a key that opened a door to new modes of perception. Beyond that door was a path that she could follow, to a place where she could find the answers she needed.
And there was no point in waiting. Barriss opened the lockbox next to her bed and removed one of the remaining poppers of bota extract. She took a deep breath, pressed it to her forearm, and triggered it.
As if her first experience had somehow attuned her, opening her receptors, as it were, the rush was almost immediate this time. That amazing sense of familiarity, coupled with awe and wonder at the newness of it, the astonishing, held-breath feeling, the breadth and depth of it, stretching to infinity…
She thought she was prepared for it, but she wasn’t. It was just too… big. She couldn’t see how anyone could accept it, take it all in, process it. It wouldn’t fit into her limited comprehension; it was like trying to confine the blazing, multifaceted glory of a firestone into a flat 2-D image. Her senses, corseted into only three dimensions, couldn’t even begin to make sense of it. But she didn’t have to make sense of it, she realized. She had but to accept it, to be one with it. It was glorious, uplifting, and terrifying,