Star Wars_ Millennium Falcon - James Luceno [24]
Leia knew that Allana's silence about Jacen didn't mean that she had put him entirely from her mind, only that she had buried her dark memories of him where no one could find them. What worried Leia most was that those memories would fester and seep like a stain into Allana's psyche. It was all too close to what Leia had gone through on learning that Darth Vader had been her actual father, and for years carrying within her a fear that her children would inherit the same weakness for the dark side of the Force that Anakin Skywalker had evinced.
In Jacen, those fears had been realized.
Jacen, who for so long had represented a new hope for the Jedi Order. One who had ventured so profoundly into the Force and had traveled so widely in the galaxy. In the end only to fall victim to the same lust for power that had crippled Anakin Skywalker; to become so overwhelmed and mastered by power, he became unrecognizable to Han and Leia long before his necessary death.
His necessary death.
Leia supported Han whenever he said as much. But as a mother she was less efficient at distancing herself from Jacen. Yes, he had become a monster, but it was Leia who had given birth to him, nursed and nurtured and loved him unconditionally, and his death would haunt her for the rest of her life.
As you failed us, we failed you; failed to find a way to redeem you.
“Would a game of dejarik interest you, mistress?” C-3PO asked Allana.
“Not now, Threepio,” she told him.
Leia watched. The two of them were still sorting out their relationship—but better 3PO than the angel-faced defender droid that had been Allana's companion and bodyguard for the early part of her life.
“Grandma, why does Grandpa keep this old ship?” Allana asked suddenly.
Leia's smile appeared almost as a reflex, in recollection of too many things to name.
“He's had this ship a long time, sweetheart. You know how some people keep albums of holoimages to refresh their memories of where they've been, what they've done, and who they've met along the way? The Falcon does that for Grandpa. It's filled with memories.”
Allana mulled it over. “That's why he never changes anything in here? Because he wants to remember everything just as it was?”
“I think so.” Leia lowered her voice to add: “He's also pretty tight with credits, in case you haven't noticed.”
Her eyes sparkled. “Yep.”
“All fixed,” Han called, clambering like a much younger man from the engine compartment. “Threepio, get us going while I finish cleaning up down here.”
C-3PO froze in place. “Must I, Captain Solo? You know how—”
“Don't give me any vocoder, Goldenrod. I'm going make a pilot of you if it kills me.”
“But, sir, what would be the point of that?”
“Just get the engines started and set her on autofunction. I won't be long.” Han turned his attention to Leia and Allana while the droid was clattering toward the cockpit. “What have you two been chatting about?”
“Just girl talk,” Leia said pleasantly.
Allana nodded. “Yep. Girl talk.”
Leia took note of Han's suspicious look and glanced at Allana. “Actually, Allana asked me why you prefer traveling in the Falcon, and I was trying to come up with a reasonable explanation.”
“Yeah, Grandpa, how come we never use our new ship—the one that my mother gave us?”
Han made a sour face. “That fully automatic marvel of modern technology that's supposed to take all the stress out of flying? Why don't we just hire a chauffeur to fly us around?”
Abruptly, the Falcon came to life and began to move.
“Good work, Threepio!” Han hollered toward the cockpit.
“What Grandpa means,” Leia interjected, “is that he loves to flip switches and toggles and pull and push levers.”
Allana studied him. “It that the real reason? 'Cause you like to flip switches and … levers?