Star Wars_ The New Jedi Order 06_ Balance Point - Kathy Tyers [78]
“That is an excellent point,” Luke said. “Be careful, though. If you feel this wrong about using the Force aggressively, then you can’t simply cut back. You don’t feel confident about deciding what use is aggressive. You’re afraid to act, afraid that your actions will have repercussions beyond imagining.”
“Yes,” Jacen exclaimed, “yes, that’s it!”
“In that frame of mind,” Luke said, “to direct the Force at all is wrong.”
“At all?” Jacen pulled himself upright. That put his head and shoulders out of the bed’s heat field, giving him a faint chill.
“Every act that doesn’t come out of absolute faith can lead to fear and darkness,” Luke said sternly.
Jacen’s memory fled back to his uncle’s academy, to the praxeum, to countless conversations. “I have been imagining terrible consequences of making mistakes,” he admitted. “Don’t you see? This is why I’ve hoped that you wouldn’t reestablish the Jedi Council. We must be answerable to the Force itself, not a group of fallible individuals. If we can understand it well enough to use it, we ought to be able to use it rightly. Or else decide not to use it at all.”
His uncle looked puzzled. “Does that follow,” he asked, “from all you’ve been telling me?”
“It has to,” Jacen mumbled. “Somehow, it all has to fit together.”
“Be careful your pride doesn’t destroy you, Jacen.”
Jacen gripped the bed’s thin privacy cover. “Pride? You told us that power, driven by vengeance, led to pride—and the dark side.”
“There’s a more subtle pride,” Luke explained. “You’re claiming to be too humble to use the Force, aren’t you?”
Jacen thought hard. Was he?
“Maybe you’re the only Jedi who’s perceptive enough to realize that what we all do is wrong—”
“No,” Jacen interrupted. “I’m the one who was warned. You’re not doing anything wrong—”
“But if it’s wrong for you,” Luke said calmly, “shouldn’t you be warning the rest of us?”
Jacen slumped against the wall. “That’s what I was trying to tell you. That’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”
“They’re not listening,” Luke said softly.
Jacen felt as if he’d been kicked.
The silhouette laid a hand on his shoulder. “You’re dealing with the very heart of what it means to be a Jedi. Be careful about sacrificing your gifts, to help others see the truth as you perceive it. That’s too close to the kind of sacrifices the Yuuzhan Vong practice. They serve extinction.”
Jacen shivered. “I don’t want to even get close to that.”
“You see your heritage as a grave responsibility. You’ve caught my attention, Jacen. You’ve shown me that we should make much more of the ethics of using our powers, when training our apprentices. Thank you.”
Jacen’s cheeks twitched. He couldn’t help grinning. What an honor!
“Do you have any leading?” Luke asked. “Where your destiny could be taking you next? You don’t have to fulfill it all today, you know. I never dreamed, at your age, where mine would lead me. What’s your next small step?”
“I think,” Jacen said slowly, still stunned by his Master’s show of confidence, “that if I can, I should convince the Duros to support the New Republic by keeping their promises.”
“That could be,” Luke said gravely. “But there could be treachery in high places. You can’t negotiate that away.”
Jacen’s stomach tightened. “Is that what brought you and Anakin to Duro?”
Luke nodded. “An apprentice vanished here. Now we find CorDuro isn’t making deliveries. And I just met two humans who remind me very much of Peace Brigaders. Artoo’s seeing what he can get off Bburru’s mainframe.”
If Brarun had Peace Brigade connections, this “house arrest” wasn’t safe. “Thanks for warning me.”
“You have to choose. Use the Force, as you’ve been trained to do—or leave it alone. You can’t just cut back.”
“All right, then,” Jacen said. “I’ll leave it alone.”
He saw his uncle’s slack-faced astonishment, but only for an instant, and he barricaded himself against the sensation. He had to prove