Star Wars_ The New Jedi Order_ Dark Tide 01_ Onslaught - Michael A. Stackpole [42]
“You trust yourself more?”
Mara actually smiled for a heartbeat. “Pretty perceptive.”
“Even a blind hawk-bat finds a granite slug now and again.” He glanced at her. “I do want you to know you can trust me. I’m here to do whatever you want or need. I won’t fail you.”
“I know.” She sat forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I apologize for being weak, for forcing you to be here with me instead of off doing more important stuff.”
Anakin blinked with surprise. “There’s nothing more important that I could be doing. Uncle Luke has entrusted you to me. There isn’t a more important job out there.”
“Don’t lie to me, Anakin. The desire to be out there saving the galaxy is in your blood so thick I can hear it screaming from here.”
“No, really, that’s not true.” Anakin glanced over his shoulder and used the Force to bring him the other camp chair he’d set up. “I am here to help you, Mara. What’s wrong?”
Mara had frowned as he sat. “Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Trivializing the Force.”
“I don’t get it. What do you mean?”
She heaved her torso erect and sat back in her chair. “Even down in the Sabre I could feel it. I admire your desire to make everything perfect for me, but the Force isn’t something you use to pitch tents or stack crates.”
“But the Force is the Jedi’s ally. It’s something we use.” Anakin shifted his shoulders uneasily. “Size matters not, you know. I mean, if I’d not used it, I would have had to—”
“Break a sweat?”
Anakin’s mouth gaped open. “Um, I guess so. I mean, the ship is half a kilometer back in that canyon, and hauling the stuff up here—”
“Would have been hard work.” Mara’s steady gaze bored into him. “You quote Master Yoda’s aphorism that ‘Size matters not,’ but that was used to tell Luke that he had to banish self-doubt. You’re using it as an excuse, or a challenge.”
Anakin winced. “But Luke said that Yoda lifted his X-wing out of the swamp at Dagobah.”
“To make a point, to show Luke how strong the Force could be, if mastered.”
“And I’ve mastered it.”
Her head came up and her gaze sharpened. “Have you, now?”
Anakin immediately flushed crimson. “Well, I mean, I’ve been trained to it. I know how to use it.”
“But knowing how to use it is entirely different from knowing when to use it. Think, Anakin, how often do you see your uncle use the Force in raw displays of strength?”
He frowned. “Well, not so much these days. Not since the war ended, I guess.”
“Correct, not since he realized that using the Force so directly cut him off from the more subtle aspects of it.” Mara looked up, her gaze searching his face. “You can’t hear a whisper if you’re constantly shouting, and using the Force the way you do is the same as always shouting. Do you see that?”
Anakin’s brows furrowed. “I guess so. I mean, it makes sense, but I’m still learning. I need that control. I need to be able to make things work.”
“I agree.” She glanced down at the ground. “But using the Force isn’t the only answer, you know. Chewbacca didn’t use it, and he saved your life, your father’s life, and countless other lives.”
His expression soured. “Don’t be trying to tell me Chewie’s death isn’t my fault.”
“I suspect you’ve heard that a lot, haven’t you?”
“Yes, and don’t try reversing things around and talking me into defending myself, either. I may still be young, but I’m not stupid.”
“I know that. You’re not stupid, but you are naive.” Mara looked at him and let out a quick chuckle. “That expression of outrage, very becoming.”
Anakin scowled. “I’m not naive. I’ve been in the thick of things since I was born. I’ve grown up on Coruscant and then at the academy. I’ve been around, you know.”
“Not my point, Anakin.” Mara gave him the hint of a smile that he found a little bit intriguing and very frustrating. “You’ve spent your whole life involved with the Force. It’s made you weak.”
“But Yoda said—”
Mara held a hand up. “You don’t know what you, Anakin Solo, are capable