Star Wars_ The New Jedi Order_ Dark Tide 02_ Ruin - Michael A. Stackpole [129]
A shudder quaked through Corran. “There was a moment there. A nanosecond. I hesitated. Not because I thought of life as sacred and that taking any life was horrible—the way you would have, my friend. No . . . No, I hesitated because I wanted Shedao Shai to know he was dead. I wanted him to know I knew he was dead. If he was going to see his life flash before his eyes, I wanted him to take a good look at it. I wanted him to have a nice long look at it. I wanted him to know it was all for nothing.”
Corran’s right hand curled into a fist. He hammered it against his thigh to loosen it, then flexed his fingers as wide open and straight as he could.
“In that one moment, Elegos, I dishonored your sacrifice. I betrayed you. I betrayed the Jedi. I betrayed myself.” Corran sighed. “In that one moment I crossed the line. I walked on the dark side.”
He raised his head and met Elegos’ bejeweled stare. “You Caamasi had a saying: If the wind no longer calls to you, it is time to see if you have forgotten your name. The problem I have, my friend, is that I heard the dark side calling to me. Without your help, without your guidance, I’m not sure how I can deal with that.”
Jacen Solo studied Corran Horn as the elder Jedi sat gathered into a tight ball in a chair. Bacta had healed the physical wound the Corellian had suffered, but a certain amount of psychic agony still poured from him. As far as Jacen could see, Corran had done everything right, hadn’t been out of control or acting like a rogue Jedi, and yet that was how he was being portrayed in the news reports about Ithor.
Ganner paced impatiently. “I just can’t believe it. Corran puts his own life on the line, nearly dies to save Ithor, and has been transformed into ‘yet another world-killing Jedi.’ Vader to Kyp to Corran. I’m surprised they didn’t build a link to Caamas in there.”
Luke pressed his hands together. “People are giving in to their fear. They’re not thinking clearly at all. We need calm.”
“Calm isn’t all we need, Master. You will need something more.” Corran blinked slowly and looked up. “You have to disassociate the Jedi from me.”
Ganner’s surprise pulsed out. “Abandon you?”
Corran nodded slowly. “Borsk Fey’lya has already managed to point out a number of things. I was not an officer in the New Republic Armed Forces when on my rogue mission to Ithor. He’s noted my presence there was counter to Ithorian custom and law. He has made me complicit in desecrating Ithor because I invited Shedao Shai to meet me there.”
Ganner frowned. “I’ve seen one report that suggests you should have known that a fallen Yuuzhan Vong leader is always immolated, so that by killing Shedao Shai there, you guaranteed the death of the world.”
Mara snorted disgustedly. “That little bit of Vong cultural lore, that’s from that supposed holojournal of Elegos A’Kla? The one he was supposed to have recorded while with the Vong, even though they would have smashed every bit of technology he took with him?”
The Jedi Master held a hand up. “We know that is a fraud. Someone did it and is publishing it to make money.”
Jacen snarled. “And is making a bunch of it, too. That thing is selling wildly. It’s because people are afraid.”
“And morbidly curious.” Ganner shook his head. “There is no doubt about it, the death of Ithor is a serious shock. Dubrillion, Belkadan, even Sernpidal—hardly anyone recognized those worlds. Ithor, on the other hand, is as well known as Coruscant.”
Corran sighed. “And now is a sister world to Alderaan.”
“Which takes us back to Uncle Luke’s first point. People are giving in to their fear. We can’t do that. If we abandon you, Corran, that’s what the Jedi will be doing.”
The Corellian Jedi managed a weak smile. “Thank you, Jacen, but it’s not really a question of giving in to the fear of others, it’s a question of being overwhelmed by it. Master, you must repudiate me. Borsk Fey’lya is looking to avert a disaster. He can do it only by laying