Star Wars_ The New Jedi Order_ Dark Tide 02_ Ruin - Michael A. Stackpole [18]
“But, Jaina, you’re a member of Rogue Squadron. All the tradition—how can you not carry that with you?”
“I don’t have time for it, Jacen. I concentrate on what I have to do now, not worrying about the past or what might happen in the future.” She turned to face him, allowing the light from the viewport to scroll in warped stripes over her right profile. “I’m kind of surprised that all this has hit you so suddenly. Or, rather, that it hasn’t hit you before.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve always been looking beyond things, Jacen. You always wonder if whatever you have is it, if it’s all it could be. It’s not a question of whether or not a mug is half full or empty, but whether or not it’s the right mug, and the stuff in it is the appropriate stuff.” She shrugged. “Because you’re smart and talented, you’ve been able to blow past most problems and still function being concerned with these grander things. In fact, you roll over most problems without even thinking about them.”
“That’s not true.”
“Sure it is. On Belkadan, you went out to free slaves without giving any real thought to your own safety. Why? Because there was a bigger issue there, whether or not the Force had granted you a glimpse of the future. And even after things went badly, you’re concern wasn’t about your injuries, but about why the vision failed you.”
He shook his head. “You have that all wrong.”
“Jacen, this is your sister. I know you.” She sat back, holding herself up with her arms. “Even being a Jedi is something where you look for more. At first you acted as if Jedi was synonymous with hero. It isn’t. Being a hero isn’t what all these folks are here to do. They’re here to do their jobs.”
Jacen stood and paced over to the viewport. “I know that and I respect it.”
“But you’re still looking for more. You aren’t sure if what you’ve learned about being a Jedi is what you were supposed to have learned about being a Jedi. You want to find a way to become the ultimate Jedi.”
“Oh, and you don’t question what we’ve been taught? You don’t want to push yourself beyond?”
“Beyond what, Jacen?”
Her question startled him. “Um, ah, I guess I don’t know.”
“So you’re searching for something that may not exist.” Jaina gathered her legs beneath her and stood. “Look, I take each job as it comes along. Now I’m a pilot with Jedi skills. I want to be the best pilot I can be. Once I’m there—if I get there—then I can look for the next thing.”
“There’s the problem, Jaina. I have no current job, which is why I’m looking beyond.”
“No, Jacen.” She reached out and playfully cuffed him on the back of the head. “You have a job. You’re a Jedi and you have a mission coming up.”
“I know. I’m all ready for that. I did the training. I’ve studied all about Garqi. I’m set there.”
“It’s just like when you were younger, Jacen. You’re prepared for the job, but you’ve not done it yet. You’re off thinking about the next big thing, and the little thing in front of you might eat you up. The Yuuzhan Vong aren’t one of the little adventures we’ve had in our lives. They are totally serious, and if you look past them, you won’t get past them.”
Jacen turned and looked at her for a moment. The determination on her face and in her voice convinced him that her read was dead-on. Which means I’ve got a whole lot more thinking to do. “And you believe that my experience on Garqi is going to help me perfect being a Jedi?”
“It can help you perfect being yourself. You’ve got two very different Jedi on the mission with you: Corran and Ganner. You can learn a lot from them—both what to do and what not to do. Slow down a step. Learn. Give yourself a chance to learn.”
“It certainly gives me a place to focus.” He sighed. “Now you’re going to tell me that you knew all this stuff because girls mature faster than boys.”
“Women, Jacen, women mature faster than boys.