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Yet one question eats away at me incessantly: As Mr. Colbert is the most excellent and most American of all Americans—in essence a “Super-American,” if you will—why is he not the proud leader of the United States of America? How is it that the most American of us all is not the President of the United States of America?

Now Mr. Colbert did try to become president. It was his intention to run for President in 2008. As he announced in a special appearance on The Daily Show on October 16th, 2007, Colbert planned on competing for a place on both the Republican and the Democratic tickets in his home state of South Carolina. After a series of setbacks, however, Mr. Colbert’s ambition was thwarted once and for all when he was denied a place on the ballot by the South Carolina Democratic Executive Council. In what’s clearly their least democratic of decisions, South Carolina denied its favorite son the opportunity to become what he so richly deserves. In so doing, they also denied us as Americans that from which we would so greatly benefit. So, why would these so-called “Democrats” deny Mr. Colbert his rightful place on the ballot? The answer is obvious … jealousy.

I will admit that even I, the most ardent of Mr. Colbert’s supporters (I like to think of myself as a “Colbertite””), feel the occasional twinge of jealousy when I consider his amazing gifts. Many of us have experienced this—isn’t it natural? How could we not wish we were more like Mr. Colbert? But, would we deny him the opportunity to rule the greatest country in the world just because we are jealous? I hope not. Obviously, there are those who would. After much research, I have found the deep philosophical and psychological explanation for why some lesser men try so hard to hold back great men, and try even harder to hold back the greatest of men—Stephen Colbert.

Why They Try to Keep Our Man Down

Now, first, a quick disclaimer: the philosophical ideas that I am about to explain to you were thought up by a German. To be specific, a not American. But even “not Americans” can come up with a good idea on a rare occasion. So don’t be dissuaded just because it is unlikely! More importantly, remember that just because someone has one good idea doesn’t mean he has more than one good idea. In this case, though, I think, and you’ll agree, that this “not American” did get one thing right.

Now who am I talking about? I am talking about Friedrich Nietzsche. But that isn’t important. What matters is what Nietzsche has to say about our hero—Stephen Colbert. Okay, okay, Nietzsche did not actually write about Mr. Colbert specifically. As he I am sure would regret, Nietzsche died before he had the opportunity (1844-1900). Nevertheless Nietzsche’s work is clearly about Mr. Colbert. A central idea in Nietzsche’s philosophy is that of the super-man. He is the man who, because of his overwhelming power, stands apart from and above other men. Nietzsche didn’t think that the super-man was alive during the latter-half of the nineteenth century. Indeed, he didn’t even think that he himself was the super-man. Rather, he believed that the super-man was a man for the future, a higher-man who was yet to come.

Well, Nation, the future is now! Finally, Nietzsche’s words can be put to the test. And we can look to Nietzsche to explain what Mr. Colbert is currently facing. So now we’ll turn our attention to Nietzsche’s ideas about the super-man so that we may better understand the overwhelming power that is Stephen Colbert!

Nietzsche’s Super-Man Philosophy

For all of you Colbert fans out there, I want you to bear with me. Although you may understand truthiness, there are those readers who don’t. Chief among these are the philosophical-types. For them, truthiness is not enough. They (sickly) also want reasons and explanations. So, here I will take a little time to help those philosophical-types understand what I am saying by explaining Nietzsche. Don’t panic. We’ll get back to the truthiness A.S.A.P. You’ll notice