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Stephen Colbert and Philosophy - Aaron Allen Schiller [124]

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is attributed to the Soldiers, moderation is expressed when the three classes of functionary (Ruler, Soldier, Artisan) agree that this hierarchy of authority is best, and justice is expressed when each class does its work without meddling in the work of the others. So, given that the republic and tyrannical state have identical structures, why are they so different? The answer to this question is important, for it can point the way towards an answer to the question about how practicing medicine and money making are different, even though both appear to be exercised by the same agent at the same time. In other words, the act of practicing medicine seems to be the very same act the physician is engaged in when making money. There appears to be only one act, but two very different takes on what the action may mean.

Socrates’s answer seems to be that given the act of ruling is aimed at bringing about a good in those ruled,201 and the tyrant acts so as to bring about a good in himself (the ruler) and not in those ruled, the tyrant isn’t really ruling. Rather, he’s doing something else. In fact, he’s acting in a way that runs counter to what he takes himself to be after. That is, he takes himself to be establishing a good for himself, but in fact has made it such that “he’s full of fear, convulsions, and pains throughout his life” (The Republic, 579e), since in being a tyrant he is hated by those over whom he rules and as a consequence his life is always in jeopardy. Presumably the most powerful man, ironically he lives the life of a prisoner (The Republic, 579b). Thinking now about the physician, if she practices money-making, she acts so as to bring about a good in herself, not in the patient on whom she practices. This is not practicing medicine badly, but as I said earlier, and in line with what Socrates says about the tyrant who in acting isn’t ruling, it isn’t practicing medicine at all. Let’s apply this now to higher education.

Thinking of the professor along the lines of physician, and the student along the lines of patient, the primary aim of teaching is to bring about some good (knowledge, for example) in the student. In privatizing higher education, which forces colleges and universities to corporatize (they turn into corporations), the primary aim of the institution shifts. As we know, the primary aim of the corporation is to make money for its shareholders. The good of students will be neutralized by higher-ups in the corporation, if that good ever comes into conflict with profiteering. Making a profit will be the ultimate aim. Consequently, if Socrates is right, corporatizing higher education will transform the nature of higher education—the institution will no longer primarily aim at benefiting students, but will primarily aim at benefiting shareholders.

By trying to get colleges and universities to mimic big business, the transformation would destroy higher education understood as an institution whose primary aim is to educate. How so? In aiming to make money, a teacher isn’t practicing teaching. And so, if we privatize (and hence corporatize) higher education, higher education as we know it does NOT survive the transformation into the holy marketplace. Stephen’s position, recall, thinks that privatizing higher education will simply make it more cost efficient (to taxpayers anyway), bringing with it the benefits of free market competition. But, if my argument is right, there simply is nothing left of higher education (at least nothing that we would identify as such) post-privatization.

I’m Done: But The Editor Expects Some Sort of Fancy Conclusion


Although Stephen the right-wing crazy attended Dartmouth, Mr. Colbert, the Emmy and Peabody Award winning satirist, went to Hampden-Sydney, transferring to Northwestern’s School of Communication. I’m not sure whether he graduated before moving on to Chicago’s famous Second City comedy troupe, but since then he has been granted an honorary doctorate in fine arts from Knox College in 2006, and was made an honorary member of the class of 2008, Princeton,

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