Stephen Colbert and Philosophy - Aaron Allen Schiller [95]
Enter Stephen Colbert. In this character we have an O’Reilly offspring who is so righteous and repressed that he visits the zoo in the spring just to make sure that the animals there aren’t engaging in premarital sex.160 Colbert is so scandalized even by the sex lives of bugs and insects—as chronicled and illustrated in Isabella Rossellini’s Green Porno—that he’s had to give up fishing. Apparently he can’t stomach the “invertebrate Caligula,” otherwise known as a worm orgy, which occurs in bait buckets.161
Of course, Colbert’s holy hang-ups extend to human sexuality as well. With his own bullhorn in Manhattan, from atop the wreckage of progressive politics, he bombastically but brilliantly announces to all of us the otherwise implicit phobias that Rove and others crassly exploit—as subtly and silently as they can—for political gain. After it was clear that the “Cowards” were going to reclaim the majority in the House of Representatives in the 2006 midterm elections, an exasperated Colbert intoned: “Don’t think you’re off the hook, voters. You’re the ones who made this bed. Now you’re the ones who are going to have to move over so a gay couple can sleep in it.” He then angrily warned us about the brave new world coming, “where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags; where tax and spend Democrats take all your hard earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio, and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh, and everybody’s high!”162
During his recent interview with legendary rock band R.E.M., Colbert immediately moved to protect himself (specifically, his jewels) when lead singer Michael Stipe got a little fresh. He placed the jacket of R.E.M.’s new compact disc, Accelerate, over his crotch, thereby creating a cock shield.163 With this move, Colbert signaled that one cannot be too careful in the presence of a gay man who is not convulsed with guilt over his sexual orientation. Perhaps a Freudian clue to the origins of Colbert’s dread of any form of non-traditional sex lies in his proud assertion that he watches Psycho on Mother’s Day every year.164
Of course, it’s one thing to play a homophobe and sexual puritan, it’s quite another to be one. Stipe knew that he could flirt with Colbert. He clearly was comfortable in Colbert’s presence because he knows that the man behind the balls is not frightened and repulsed by him and his sexuality. That’s also why Colbert’s response was not offensive, but humorously instructive. This moment on The Colbert Report is a case study in Colbert’s subtle deconstruction and diffusion of a right-wing superego with which we are all too familiar.
Give the Id a Chance
A similar effect occurs when Colbert embodies and gives ironic voice to the hyper-aggressive bent of the United States under the chicken hawk leadership of Bush and Cheney. At the beginning of the twentieth century, when we were stuck in that pre-pre 9/11 mindset, our country took a more subtle and less hostile approach to the use of military force, which President Theodore Roosevelt summed up in the maxim, “speak softly and carry a big stick.” Many recall this as advice to walk softly, but no one bungles the big stick part, of course (as Sigmund smiles). Bottom line: carry a big stick but be gentle—use the oft-neglected lubricant of negotiation and diplomacy.
In his interview with Congressman Joe Sestak, Colbert captured the profound difference