Stepping Heavenward [113]
presence of Him we love, with those who have come out of great tribulation, whose robes have been made white in the blood of the Lamb, and who are before the throne of God, and serve Him day and night in His temple, to hunger no more, neither thirst any more, for the Lamb which is in the midst of the .throne shall lead them into living fountains of waters; and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.
MAY 25.-We were talking of Mrs. Campbell, and of her blessed life and blessed death. Helen said it discouraged and troubled her to see and hear such things.
"The last time I saw her when she was able to converse," said she, "I told her that when I reflected on my want of submission to God's will, I doubted whether I really could be His child. She said, in her gentle, sweet way-:
"Would you venture to resist His will, if you could? Would you really have your dear James back again in this world, if could?'
"I would, I certainly would," I said.
"She returned, ' I sometimes find it a help, when dull and cramped in my devotions, to say to myself : Suppose Christ should now appear before you, and you could see Him as He appeared to His disciples on earth, what would you say to Him? This brings Him near, and I say what I would say if He were visibly present. I do the same when a new sorrow threatens me. I imagine my Redeemer as coming personally to say to me, "For your sake I am a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; now for My sake give me this child, bear this burden, submit to this loss." Can I refuse Him? Now, dear, he has really come thus to you, and asked you to show your love to Him, your faith in Him, by giving Him the most precious of your treasures. If He were here at this moment, and offered to restore it to you, would you dare to say, "Yea, Lord, I know, far better than Thou dost, what is good for him and good for me; I will have him return to me, cost what it may; in this world of uncertainties and disappointments I shall be sure of happiness in his society, and he will enjoy more here on earth with me than he could enjoy in the companionship of saints and angels and of the Lord Himself in heaven." Could you dare to say this?' Oh, Katy, what straits she drove me into! No, I could not dare to say that!"'
"Then, my darling little sister" I cried, "you will give up--this struggle? You will let God do what He will with His own?"
"I have to let Him," she replied; "but I submit because I must."
I looked at her gentle, pure face as she uttered these words, and could only marvel at the will that had no expression there.
"Tell me," she said, "do you think a real Christian can feel as I do? For my part I doubt it. I doubt everything."
"Doubt everything, but believe in Christ," I said. "Suppose, for argument's sake, you are not a Christian. You can become one now." The color rose in her lovely face; she clasped her hands in a sort of ecstasy.
"Yes," she said, "I can."
At last God had sent her the word she wanted.
MAY 28.-Helen came to breakfast this morning in a simple white dress. I had not time to tell the children not to allude to it, so they began in chorus:
"Why, Aunt Helen! you have put on a white dress!"
"Why, Aunty, how queer you look!"
"Hurrah! if she don't look like other folks!"
She bore it all with her usual gentleness; or rather with a positive sweetness that captivated them as her negative patience had never done. I said nothing to her, nor did she to me till late In the day, when she came to me, and said:
"Katy, God taught you what to say. All these years I have been tormenting myself with doubts, as to whether I could be His child while so unable to say, Thy will be done. If you had said,' 'Why, yes, you must be His child, for you professed yourself one a long time ago, and ever since have lived like one,' I should have remained as wretched as ever As it is, a mountain has been rolled off, my heart. Yes, if I was not His child yesterday, I can become one to-day; if I did not love Him then, I can begin now"
I do not doubt that, she was His child, yesterday
MAY 25.-We were talking of Mrs. Campbell, and of her blessed life and blessed death. Helen said it discouraged and troubled her to see and hear such things.
"The last time I saw her when she was able to converse," said she, "I told her that when I reflected on my want of submission to God's will, I doubted whether I really could be His child. She said, in her gentle, sweet way-:
"Would you venture to resist His will, if you could? Would you really have your dear James back again in this world, if could?'
"I would, I certainly would," I said.
"She returned, ' I sometimes find it a help, when dull and cramped in my devotions, to say to myself : Suppose Christ should now appear before you, and you could see Him as He appeared to His disciples on earth, what would you say to Him? This brings Him near, and I say what I would say if He were visibly present. I do the same when a new sorrow threatens me. I imagine my Redeemer as coming personally to say to me, "For your sake I am a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; now for My sake give me this child, bear this burden, submit to this loss." Can I refuse Him? Now, dear, he has really come thus to you, and asked you to show your love to Him, your faith in Him, by giving Him the most precious of your treasures. If He were here at this moment, and offered to restore it to you, would you dare to say, "Yea, Lord, I know, far better than Thou dost, what is good for him and good for me; I will have him return to me, cost what it may; in this world of uncertainties and disappointments I shall be sure of happiness in his society, and he will enjoy more here on earth with me than he could enjoy in the companionship of saints and angels and of the Lord Himself in heaven." Could you dare to say this?' Oh, Katy, what straits she drove me into! No, I could not dare to say that!"'
"Then, my darling little sister" I cried, "you will give up--this struggle? You will let God do what He will with His own?"
"I have to let Him," she replied; "but I submit because I must."
I looked at her gentle, pure face as she uttered these words, and could only marvel at the will that had no expression there.
"Tell me," she said, "do you think a real Christian can feel as I do? For my part I doubt it. I doubt everything."
"Doubt everything, but believe in Christ," I said. "Suppose, for argument's sake, you are not a Christian. You can become one now." The color rose in her lovely face; she clasped her hands in a sort of ecstasy.
"Yes," she said, "I can."
At last God had sent her the word she wanted.
MAY 28.-Helen came to breakfast this morning in a simple white dress. I had not time to tell the children not to allude to it, so they began in chorus:
"Why, Aunt Helen! you have put on a white dress!"
"Why, Aunty, how queer you look!"
"Hurrah! if she don't look like other folks!"
She bore it all with her usual gentleness; or rather with a positive sweetness that captivated them as her negative patience had never done. I said nothing to her, nor did she to me till late In the day, when she came to me, and said:
"Katy, God taught you what to say. All these years I have been tormenting myself with doubts, as to whether I could be His child while so unable to say, Thy will be done. If you had said,' 'Why, yes, you must be His child, for you professed yourself one a long time ago, and ever since have lived like one,' I should have remained as wretched as ever As it is, a mountain has been rolled off, my heart. Yes, if I was not His child yesterday, I can become one to-day; if I did not love Him then, I can begin now"
I do not doubt that, she was His child, yesterday