Stink and the Incredible Super-Galactic Jawbreaker - Megan Mcdonald [1]
“I am NOT an idiot!” said Judy.
“Id-i-om. It’s what you call a funny saying. Mrs. D. taught us a bunch of them. Like if you’re in a bad mood, I could say you got up on the wrong side of the bed.”
“But I’m not in a bad mood, because you’re going to get me some candy, right?”
“Wrong.”
“Is stinks on ice an idiom? How about rotten to the core?” said moody Judy.
“Now you’re acting like sour grapes,” said Stink. “Get it? Sour grapes is another idiom.”
“Stop saying idiom!” said Judy.
“Okay! Okay! If I get you candy, what will you give me?” asked Stink. “Let’s strike a deal. Get it?”
Judy rolled her eyes. “How about one Grouchy pencil and two president baseball cards for this box of rain-forest gum?”
“Three president baseball cards,” said Stink. “And one of them has to be James Madison.”
“Deal,” said Judy. “Goody goody gumdrops! Thanks, Stink. Now, Richie Rich, let me see what you’re getting yourself with all that money.”
“I,” said Stink, “am getting the World’s Biggest Jawbreaker.” He held it up for Judy to see. “It changes colors and flavors as you go.”
“Rare! It looks like an earth. Or a giant emu egg or something.”
“Or something,” said Stink.
“Stink, I don’t think you want to eat that. Says here on the box that it contains wax.”
“Does not.”
“Does too!” Judy pointed to the words on the box.
“So? I’ve eaten wax before.”
“Have not.”
“Have too.”
“Stink, wax is like candles,” said Judy. “Wax is like earwax. Are you going to eat EARwax, Stink?”
“Give it,” said Stink, taking it back. “Stop saying earwax! I’m still eating it. It has fire in the middle.”
“Like a fireball?”
“Like the earth’s core!” said Stink.
“RARE!” said Judy. “Do you think it’ll really break your jaw?”
“It better!” said Stink.
Stink took one lick. Then another. Then another. The giant jawbreaker was way too big to fit into his mouth.
Slurp. He licked that jawbreaker all the way home.
Sloop. He licked it all the way up to his room.
Slop. He licked it while he fed Toady one-handed. He licked it while he played with his president baseball cards (including James Madison, thanks to Judy). He licked it while he did his homework one-handed. He licked it the whole time he talked to Grandma Lou on the phone, telling her all about the Pajama Day they were going to have in Mrs. D.’s class.
He even licked it while he set the table for dinner. One-handed, of course.
Pretty soon his lips were green and his tongue was blue and his hands were as sticky as gum on a sneaker bottom.
“Hey,” Judy asked at dinner. “Why is there a big fat sticky blue fingerprint on my plate?”
“Oops,” said Stink, licking off his fingers. “Finger-lickin’ good!”
“Stink’s eating a jawbreaker for dinner!” said Judy, pointing.
“Stink, put that jawbreaker down and eat some real food,” said Dad. “Here. Have some macaroni.”
“This is real food,” said Stink. “It contains vitamins A and C and calcium. No lie.”
“And dextrose, sucrose, fructose, and other stuff that makes you comatose,” said Judy.
“It’s NOT going to make me comb my toes,” said Stink.
“And don’t forget wax,” said Judy.
“Macaroni,” said Mom. “You heard Dad. And green beans.”
“But it didn’t break my jaw yet,” said Stink. “It didn’t even stretch my mouth one bit.”
“You already have a big mouth,” said Judy.
“Hardee-har-har,” said Stink. “Well, it didn’t set my tongue on fire yet or make my cheeks feel like a chipmunk, either.”
“It may not break your jaw,” said Judy, “but all your teeth are going to fall out. For sure and absolute positive. Did you know Queen Elizabeth ate so many candies from her pockets that her teeth turned black? No lie!”
“At least I won’t have to brush them every day!” said Stink.
Every day, Stink ate a little more and a little more of his jawbreaker. He ate it in bed first thing in the morning before he brushed his teeth. He ate it at recess in between playing H-O-R-S-E with his super-duper best friend, Webster. He ate it on the bus and all the way home from school.
He gave a lick to Mouse the cat. He gave a lick to Toady the toad. He even