Stolen Innocence - Lisa Pulitzer [123]
“Lesie,” the woman said.
I was surprised that she knew my name. Focusing my attention on this attractive brunette, I realized it was Kassandra. She looked nothing like the girl I knew in Hildale. This Kassandra was wearing flip-flops and capri pants. Her hair was loose and fell to just below her shoulders. Long, pretty earrings dangled from her ears, and makeup highlighted her beautiful blue eyes. Sure enough, it was Kassandra. As she enveloped me in a warm hug, I relaxed immediately. For months everyone in Short Creek had been calling her evil, but all at once I recognized that this couldn’t be further from the truth. She was the same kind and caring person she always had been, and now she had a beautiful infant son.
I’d only been at Kassandra’s small apartment for a day when Craig called, wanting to see me. Reluctantly, I took the phone and heard his upbeat voice boom into my ear. “Be ready early in the morning,” he told me.
As promised, my brother arrived at 6:00 A.M. the next day. He looked older and more mature than he had the last time we’d seen each other, almost seven years earlier. He was very masculine and handsome, with a strong jaw and fair blond hair like mine, cut close to his head. His deep blue eyes shone with a glow I hadn’t seen before.
“Oh my God, you’re all grown up,” he said, smiling.
“Yeah,” I retorted, not sure what to say. I knew that he’d made the long journey away on his own, but I had worried for his safety and felt hurt that he’d left our lives so completely.
Craig produced a jogging suit for me to wear, informing me that we would take a sunrise walk on the beach together. I had never seen the ocean and was excited by the prospect of getting my first look at the big waves. Changing out of my long dress into a pair of soft, comfortable pants was a thrill too. My brother and I walked way out onto the breakers in the fading gray mist of morning. Standing there as the waves crashed on the rocks beneath us was unlike anything I’d experienced.
“You abandoned Mom,” I told him, my pent-up anger suddenly unleashed.
Craig let my words hang in the air for a moment. Then he responded with a question, asking me why I continued to stay in the community. He was patient with me, and cautiously explained some of the journey that he had taken thus far.
He told me he’d gone to Colorado to get some space from the confines of the religion so he could think with a clearer mind and begin to do some research. He was convinced that there was no divine revelation behind our teachings. It was Craig’s firm belief that a group of old men had been dictating the lives of everyone else. It was earth-shattering to him at the time to such a point that he became deathly ill. Listening to him tell it now, I was upset as well. But Craig was sensitive to where I was in my life and knew that I wasn’t ready to absorb what he’d come to believe. He treaded lightly and did not try to sway my beliefs. Instead, he prepared me with thought-provoking questions in an attempt to understand where I stood. It was clear that the priesthood still had a great hold over me and that I was not at all ready to dismiss all that I had been taught.
I returned to Kassandra and Ryan’s apartment feeling refreshed and—even so many miles away—somehow at home. That morning was the beginning of what would prove to be an incredibly eye-opening trip during which I started to ask inner questions of my religion that I had never before dared to ask. Watching Kassandra’s little family and seeing joy on the faces of three of my brothers was a necessary lesson for me. My siblings had fallen from grace in the eyes of the priesthood, and they had supposedly signed themselves up for hell. However, being in their company confirmed the suspicion that I’d had all those years ago at Bear Lake: people on the outside are not wicked at all. They might live in a world of Hallmark holidays, cropped pants, and haircuts, but they are nothing like