Stolen Innocence - Lisa Pulitzer [151]
Just as he’d done all along, Warren ignored me and continued condemning me for my wickedness. What he could no longer do was condemn me to a life with Allen. “You held up your end of the bargain,” he told the man who had used my salvation to hold me prisoner. “You are relieved of her as your wife.”
Warren next addressed the bishop, instructing William Timpson to bring me to my father’s house in Colorado City until he could decide what to do about me. Dad had finally been given a vacant home that he and Audrey had renovated. There was a certain irony to his pronouncement, that now after all these years, I was going back to my real father. For the past eight years, all I’d ever wanted was to be my father’s daughter and to have my family returned to me. Leaving him that day in 1999 had triggered a chain of events that was only ending this day in the office of William Timpson. I had finally come full circle. Before releasing me back to my father, Warren reminded me that I had failed in my mission to God, but I stopped listening to his words. I didn’t want to know the God of Warren Jeffs. I didn’t want to know a God who would willingly break apart families. I didn’t want to know a God who forced girls to get married. The God I knew, who I believed in and who I still believe in to this day, was real, but he had nothing to do with Warren Jeffs.
Warren adjourned the meeting with the words “The Lord’s will be done.”
I left the room with tears streaming down my cheeks. The men were still inside talking, so I waited in the hallway quietly. When Allen was finished, he came out and walked straight past me like I was air, to his truck.
William Timpson then came into the hall to follow me in his car to my dad’s. Taking a long look at my tear-stained face and bloodshot eyes, he said, “Trust in God, Elissa.”
“What God do you want me to trust in?” I asked, my voice wavering. “The one who put me here and is telling me that I’m a wicked person?”
William didn’t try to respond in any way; we just walked quietly outside. I could feel a quiet ambivalence on his part toward his weighty new position as bishop. Unlike the older men of the church, he had not yet developed a stern and controlling style. He never would have admitted it, but I could almost feel sympathy coming from him.
On the way over to my dad’s house, I felt both betrayal and relief. No matter how it had occurred, I was forever free of Allen. There had been countless times that I’d wondered if any of this would have happened if we hadn’t been taken away from Dad, but I also recognized that it was too late for him to do anything. I wasn’t a little girl anymore, and I had a lot of healing to do. Four years ago he might have been able to help, but now the die had already been cast.
We arrived at Dad and Audrey’s house and William walked me to the door. When my dad answered it, his expression was soft but questioning.
“This is your daughter and you need to take care of her,” William asserted.
“She will always have a place in my home,” Dad said, looking at me with a nod. I walked through the threshold and into my father’s arms. Mother Audrey, too, was kind and welcoming. They didn’t ask me any questions as they cleared out a bedroom for me to stay in and busied themselves getting the house in order. Dad looked me in the eye and said, “I am so grateful you’re away from Allen.” Protective tears welled up in his eyes, but his voice remained steady and soft. “I want you to know I love you, and no matter what, this will all be okay.”
“You know what, Dad?” I said, trying to be as strong as he was. “It will be okay.” And I actually started to believe the words as I said them.
Warren may have been the prophet, but I was the one who could see my future. He could no longer tell me how to live my life. I