Stolen Innocence - Lisa Pulitzer [197]
My voice was almost gone that day from the weeks of built-up stress and overextension. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to speak. But once I arrived at the microphone, something strange happened. I glanced down at my paper and my eyes went directly to a line about my mother. A warm feeling stretched over me, putting my mind at ease. In that single moment I knew that though we were fighting on different sides and though we might never see or speak to each other again, the deep love my mother and I felt for each other could never be dampened or extinguished. In my heart, she was right there beside me, holding my hand.
My voice hardly wavered as I addressed the press.
“When I was young, my mother taught me that ‘evil flourishes when good men do nothing.’ This has not been easy. The easy thing would have been to do nothing. But I have followed my heart and spoken the truth.
“Lamont and I want to convey our love to our families. Mother, I love you and my sisters unconditionally, and will go to the ends of the earth for you. I understand and respect your convictions, but I will never give up on you. When you are ready, I am here.
“I have very tender feelings for the FLDS people. There is so much good in them. I pray they will find the strength to step back, reexamine what they have been told to believe, and follow their hearts.
“This trial has not been about religion or a vendetta. It was simply about child abuse and preventing further abuse.
“I hope that all FLDS girls and women will understand that no matter what anyone may say, you are created equal. You do not have to surrender your rights or your spiritual sovereignty. I know how hard it is, but please stand up and fight for your voice and power of choice. I will continue to fight for you.
“To those who have been there to support and keep Lamont and myself encouraged, words cannot begin to express our gratitude. I hope the FLDS people will feel the same kindness as they make their difficult journey.
“I would like to thank Brock Belnap and the prosecuting legal team for all their kindness and hard work.”
I took a breath and closed my statement with the quote: “‘Opinion is a flitting thing. But truth outlasts the sun.’ Emily Dickinson.” I looked into the flash of clicking cameras and the microphones that danced up and down, each clamoring to get closest. I nodded once and turned away.
Lamont and I left the courthouse that day hand in hand, filled to the brim with a sense of hope and renewal. The late-September sun beamed down upon us as we faced the beginning of a new and beautiful chapter of our lives. That night, I snuggled with two-year-old Tyler and baby Emily, relishing their sweet smiles and soft sounds. My own childhood had been racked with pain and confusion, stunted too quickly by sexual abuse and a complete loss of innocence. But now I had the chance to start over.
Tyler and Emily are my precious blank slates. They have been my healing, my salvation, and a fresh opportunity to have—and feel safe within—the construct of a family. Each day that I look at them I see a future, a future that until recently I didn’t even think was possible. The thought that their tiny bodies will grow up never knowing the confines of the FLDS Church makes me realize now, perhaps more than ever, the true presence of God. In the end, he’s the only reason that I made it. Sometimes that’s the only thing we have. Whether you call it God, or hope, faith—whatever word you use—the fact is, I couldn’t have survived if I hadn’t believed in something. It was the one part of me that neither Warren nor Allen could touch, and no matter what happens, as long as I have that, I’ve won.
EPILOGUE
On November 20, 2007, almost two months after Warren’s guilty verdict, Lamont and I walked into the courthouse for the sentencing of Warren Jeffs, unsure of what was going to happen. Outside, the sun shone brightly as one last time we were ushered through the back door of the courthouse. Oddly, this arena had become a part