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By Root 753 0

I couldn’t understand how our family had ended up so fractured and why the Lord would take children away from their father. I struggled with the fact that Mom seemed happier and maybe even excited over her new placement as Fred Jessop’s wife. While the union had elevated her status in the family, it did little to ingratiate her to my brothers and me, but ultimately, we knew she had little choice. Since arriving in the Crick six weeks earlier, we hadn’t been allowed any contact with my dad. Every time I asked for an explanation, I was told that it was what Uncle Warren had directed. They said my father needed to repent and we did not need his influence in our lives. I know now that they were afraid if we talked with Dad he might ask us to go back and the priesthood could lose control of us. I was also upset that my mom hadn’t pushed harder to get Justin and Jacob to Hildale. It was like she’d abandoned both her husband and her children all in the name of God.

I listened as Uncle Warren sat at the right hand of the prophet reading a sermon. I held my breath, praying that Uncle Warren would not seal this union “for time and all eternity.” Sometimes, a couple is sealed merely for time, as is the case for a woman who has lost a husband to death and needs a caretaker on earth until she can join him in the Celestial Kingdom. I might have been able to accept the marriage had it been a union simply for “time.” That would mean that my brothers and I could still be with Dad in heaven. But that Uncle Warren had sealed her to Fred for “time and all eternity” took away any lingering hope of being reunited with my father in the next life.

CHAPTER EIGHT

PREPARING FOR ZION

Where we may have children who are leaning away, we must keep working them until they declare themselves against the Priesthood; and case by case, they are brought before the Prophet and handled.

—WARREN JEFFS

We’d been living at the Jessop compound for a little more than three months when fear that the world was going to end became overwhelming. All our lives, it had been ingrained in us that we were to prepare for the “Great Destructions” and the redeeming of Zion. The new millennium was upon us, and we had been told that when it arrived, God was going to send destruction upon the world, and only the most worthy would be preserved.

Warren made it clear that the coming apocalypse, which had been the impetus to move the prophet to Short Creek, was going to occur soon. Speaking on behalf of his father, he commanded all FLDS members remaining in Salt Lake to move south so that all of God’s worthy chosen people could be one as we were lifted up to meet the Lord.

While the coming of Zion was supposed to be a good thing, I worried about how it was going to happen. As with many of our religious prophecies, I felt confused by it. We had all been told that if we were not 100 percent pure inside, we risked being destroyed alongside the wicked. I reflected over my thirteen years and contemplated all of the times I had doubted my faith, all the times I had not been perfectly obedient or not kept perfectly sweet. Because of the times that I had questioned the word of the prophet since coming to Uncle Fred’s house, I knew that I was not 100 percent pure, and I was terrified.

Even with the apocalypse looming, there was a New Year’s Eve party at Uncle Fred’s house and several FLDS members who had passed through his home over the years as his “children” returned for the festivities. Despite the energy that filled the space, I could tell I was not alone in my worries. We popped a ton of popcorn for munching as we all waited for the moment when the Lord would descend.

As 2000 came and went and the world didn’t end, everyone was pretty confused. In the days ahead, Uncle Warren would tell us how lucky we were that God had blessed us with more time to prepare. Satisfied with the explanation, many of us went about our lives feeling gratitude for the reprieve, and the extra time to cleanse our souls.

Being a full member of Fred Jessop’s family soon lost its luster. While