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By Root 760 0

as well as several other private schools organized by various local families. As one of Fred Jessop’s children, I would be attending his school, which, oddly enough, he opened in the building that had housed my junior high the year before. Many former teachers from the public school would now work for Uncle Fred, mostly on a volunteer basis, as is expected of FLDS members. At the public schools, the teachers had been salaried and their families were dependent on that income. Though monetary donations to the private schools were encouraged and spread among the teachers, the money was rarely enough to make up for the loss of the salaries.

In order to make sure that no one broke his ban on the public school, Uncle Rulon, through a speech delivered by Warren, stopped virtually all contact between the FLDS people and outsiders. Uncle Warren said that our prophet’s call was “Leave apostates alone, severely.” We were told that the prophet would lose confidence in anyone who associated with apostates. Those who lost that confidence would lose their family and home—both of which were the property of the priesthood. Warren made it clear that the prophet “means business.”

That summer we celebrated Mom’s fiftieth birthday and I turned fourteen, but I found it difficult to rejoice in either event. Our lives were growing more restricted by the week. Everything had become unpredictable, and all that appeared certain about our future was that it would hold more rules, warnings, and fears. Turbulence was spreading, and it was just a matter of time before it came to my bedroom door.

CHAPTER NINE

A REVELATION IS MADE

For his [the prophet’s] word, ye shall receive as if from mine own mouth.

—D.C. SECT. 21

In August 2000, I started the ninth grade at the Uzona Home School, and it was a massive disappointment. For one thing, everyone there was FLDS, and that familiar conformity was frustrating. The curriculum at Uzona also had a stunting effect. With the focus back on religion as it had been at Alta Academy, I realized I would not be able to continue the many subjects I had come to love. Public school had been filled with possibility, but here I felt claustrophobic, knowing that it would never help me to learn in the way that I needed.

Almost from day one, I was on my own a lot at Fred Jessop’s school. None of the friends I’d made at the public school had enrolled here, and starting over was not easy. At home, I didn’t fare much better, as many of the other girls my age continued to treat me poorly. While there were some kind ones who were also suffering from poor treatment by the other girls, the emotional difficulties we were all experiencing made it a challenge for us to really connect and rely on one another. As a result, we all had to fend for ourselves.

This lack of acceptance led me to spend most of my time in my room with my mother, Sherrie, and Ally. The isolation was hard to tolerate, but it gave me a chance to support my two younger sisters. In their short lives, they had been through an amazing amount of hardship and confusion watching our family struggle. Though I hoped that their age had insulated them from the difficulties of the past four years, I understood the hurdles that they would face as they tried to come to terms with our family’s past and shaky future. In response, I had a sort of idealized vision that if I could be there for them, if we could lean on one another to make a close-knit little group within the larger Jessop family, maybe they wouldn’t have to feel the pain and betrayal that had tainted our recent lives. We were a part of a large family and an even larger community, but all we really had was one another.

Eventually I learned that much of the resentment I was feeling from the other girls was due to my domestic abilities, which were sometimes recognized and praised by Uncle Fred. Because there were so many people living in the house, my skills were frequently called upon, as I had to pitch in to get all the chores done. Every mother was assigned to cook a meal during the week, and my mother