Stolen Innocence - Lisa Pulitzer [96]
That he would sign his full name to such a note only confirmed how contradictory his words and actions were. We were still strangers to each other. As hard as I had tried, I couldn’t make myself love him, and more than ever I was convinced I never would. No matter how many times he professed his love for me, I knew that you don’t hurt people that you love. The way he was treating me I felt like he viewed me not as a partner and equal, but as a possession. Something deep in my heart knew that no man, woman, or child should be anyone’s chattel and be robbed of their God-given free will.
Over the next few weeks, I was able to gain some distance from Allen. I had been working two jobs, one as a health aide to the handicapped infant that my mother cared for. Another was as a dressmaker. I had befriended the owner of the local fabric shop, and she and her daughters had agreed to sell my creations on consignment in her Hildale boutique. I’d always had a talent for sewing and had begun putting it to good use making dresses for girls. My profits were about twenty dollars apiece. Soon I was getting special orders, and I was grateful to be less dependent on Allen for money.
When Teressa arrived from Canada for a visit in late spring of 2002, she could see how upset I was. Without hope about my marriage, I felt dark, empty, and lifeless. Teressa knew that something needed to change, and she insisted to both my mother and me that I speak to Uncle Warren again.
In the coming weeks, I set up another appointment, but when Uncle Warren stepped out into the waiting room, he was unhappy to see that Allen wasn’t with me. I had brought my mother instead.
“I want to speak to you without Allen present,” I told him nervously, relieved when he agreed to hear me.
“How are you doing?” he asked as Mom and I took a seat, and we began to engage in small talk. But Uncle Warren was direct and quickly moved the conversation along. “What do you need?”
I outlined the reason for my visit. “Well, it’s been an entire year, and I have tried to be obedient and submit to Allen. But I am still nowhere, and I don’t trust Allen and I most definitely don’t love him. I don’t feel like I can continue to be his wife, let alone have his children.”
After a long pause, Uncle Warren asked me about my mother. “What is your relationship like with your mother?”
“Well,” I said, smiling and looking over at Mom, “she’s my best friend and confidante. I love her so much. And she has helped me through this.”
“Have you been saying your prayers and taking actions to stay obedient and keeping your faith up?”
“Oh, yes, yes I have,” I told Uncle Warren, eager to show him how hard I had been trying. “I have been doing everything I know how to do to make this work. I have given myself to Allen totally and completely. And I tried so hard to be submissive and obedient to him even though I didn’t agree with anything that he wanted.”
Believing that I had proven myself a worthy wife and done all I could to try to make my marriage work, I felt optimistic that Warren would see that I was not at fault for what was happening between Allen and me and would release me from the marriage.
He crossed his legs and took a breath before speaking. “You need to break off your relationship with your mother,” he began. “To break away from the tight close bond that you two have. You need to put your loyalties in your husband, not your mother.” He turned to address Mom. “You are being a meddling mother, and you need to let your daughter go and do what she is told to do by Allen even though neither of you agree with what is going on.”
I was stunned and confused by Uncle Warren’s directive. “Well,