Storm Warning - Mercedes Lackey [183]
It had taken Karal the better part of the afternoon to work up the courage to face this particular trial. It had been relatively easy to steel his nerve to face a possible enemy, but to have to face a friend who just might kill him—that took a different kind of courage altogether.
Now, though, he was as prepared as he was ever likely to be. An’desha was hiding down in the tent in the garden, already shaken by a preparatory confrontation with Firesong, carefully planned and choreographed by Karal and the Healing Adept beforehand. The effects of the last disruption-wave were over, which meant there would be no interference from that quarter. Now, if ever, was the perfect moment.
As always, his eyes met the painted eyes of Ulrich in the portrait he’d hung on his wall. I hope I’m doing the right thing, Master, he told the painting silently. I’m not as sure of this as Altra and Firesong think I am.
He really didn’t expect an answer from the portrait, and he wasn’t surprised when he didn’t get one. He tugged his tunic into place, and headed down the stairs into the garden.
An‘desha had been getting alarmingly predictable in his reactions to emotional confrontation; now that Karal had the fabric-draped room—for Kerowyn did not want to risk another assassination attempt and ordered him to stay in the ekele for the duration, or at least until Solaris sent official word of what she intended to do—An’desha had no other refuge than the small tent in the garden. Whenever he was upset or had an argument with anyone, that was where he went.
He had been spending a lot of time in that tent, and the number of times in a given day he was retreating to it was increasing.
Karal nodded to Firesong, who was lurking just out of An‘desha’s hearing. Firesong’s jaw tightened, and he nodded curtly back. Firesong didn’t like this any better than Altra did; he liked his part in it even less. He was going to have to create a very tough mirror-shield around that tent to hold in whatever An’desha let loose.
If there’re going to be any victims here, let’s keep it to one. The expendable one. I am expendable. I am stupid Here I go.
He pulled the tent flap aside and dropped down on his heels next to An’desha, who was sprawled on his back with his arm over his face, cushioned by a pallet identical to the one that Karal now used for a bed upstairs.
“Down here again?” Karal said incredulously. “What’s wrong this time?”
An‘desha didn’t even remove his arm. “Firesong. He does not understand. He wishes me to sift through the memory fragments of Ma’ar again.” An’desha’s hands clenched into fists, and his mouth tightened, sulkily. “He will not understand. Those memories are very old, and to read them I must grow very close to them.”
“So?” Karal let scorn creep into his voice. “I think that Firesong is right, An’desha. You aren’t thinking of anyone or anything but your own self. You are, quite frankly, becoming a spoiled brat. We have been coddling you, making allowances for you, and now you have no more spine than a mushroom!”
An’desha sat up, suddenly, his mouth agape with shock, staring at Karal with a dumbfounded expression. “Wh-what?” he stammered.
“You are spineless, An‘desha!” Karal accused. “You know yourself that what we need lies in your mind, and you are too frightened to even try to look for it!” He let his own expression grow pitiful and petulant, and pitched his voice into a whine. “‘Those memories are dangerous, they might hurt me, I am afraid of them—’ as if we all aren’t afraid of much worse than a few paltry memories!”
“But I—” An’desha began, his eyes glazed with shock at the way Karal had abruptly turned on him.
“But you. Always you. What about the rest of us?” Karal asked. “What about all that we have been doing? What about the losses, the harm that we have suffered, while you have been curled here in your little cocoon of self-pity, feeling, oh, so put-upon? What about the Tayledras, who are trying to piece their Vales together again, the Shin’a’in who fear their herds of precious horses will turn into herds of monsters—what about