Straight Life - Art Pepper [102]
There is ugliness in the story that follows, as there necessarily is in any frank discussion of narcotics addiction. But there's courage here, too, and a high mindedness of purpose on Art Pepper's part. For expressly to help others, this is his story, in his own words, of how he became addicted; what dope did to him; what he lives and hopes for today in his fight to kick the habit forever. Overriding all else is an obtrusive dissonance, a general tragedy that is not exclusively Pepper's but haunts the lives of all who seek to conquer reality through the jab of a dope charged needle.
The entire interview was taped by local jazz disc jockey, Don Clark, who also participated in the questioning. The truth, unfolded softly, often slowly by Art, now becomes public domain with his permission.
John Tynan: Art, who introduced you to the use of narcotics?
Art Pepper: Well, it was just friends.
JT: Musicians?
AP: Yes.
JT: Here or on the road?
AP: On the road. I think possibly if I had been here ... Well, maybe it would probably have happened anyway. I think I had to go through it first.
Don Clark: Are there pushers in the music business that you know of?
AP: No. Outside the business-outside, definitely. There are none in the music business.
JT: No matter how badly a musician may get hooked, you've never seen any who would push dope?
AP: No. Absolutely not. As a matter of fact, you'll find that any musicians who're users still won't do it, even if they see turning another person on will help them personally, because they have enough respect for the other person's life. They won't do it unless the other person himself asks them. But I've never seen any musician go out and collect a -recruit or something.
JT: Art, did you mess around with marijuana before you used heroin?
AP: Oh, I went through the whole routine. I started drinking at a very early age, maybe when I was about 15, getting drunk and so on. Then pills. I started smoking pot (marijuana) but found that I wasn't able to manipulate. It was too difficult, too much of a strain. I didn't have control of myself. I'd go on the stand in a night club and feel I wasn't able to do what I wanted with my horn.
JT: How old were you then?
AP: In my late teens or early 20s. Then I saw that it couldn't go on, that I couldn't continue that way. I had to abstain completely from the use of any type of stimulant or else go onto something that would be more desirable.
JT: Can you recall the circumstances of the first time you used heroin?
AP: Oh, yes. It's just as if it happened yesterday.
JT: Would you describe it?
AP: I'd been on the road for quite some time, away from my wife. Being as unstable emotionally and as immature as I was at that time, I couldn't stand the thought of being away from her. I needed a woman. I had like a mother complex, and I was always searching for some thing that wasn't there. So this particular night we played a concert and I went up to the bar in the hotel afterwards. The bar closed at 4 o'clock in the morning. I went up to the room and these people were there. I was just in one of those, uh, moods.
And I felt a strong desire then and there to leave the band and go home. I guess I was pretty down. I saw that there was this thing going on up there in the room and I realized, that as weak as I was, I should never try it once because I knew what it would lead to. But just in one of those moments it was offered and I accepted. When I made it, it seemed at the time to be an answer to all the problems.
DC: Did you think about making heroin before that night?
AP: Oh, yes, yes. I had it offered to me for several years prior to that. But I knew, I knew inside of myself that if I ever once gave in to it, that it would be fatal, so I just kept from it. If I had been stronger, a little more stable, I maybe would have been able to withstand the temptation altogether, which I wish I'd done.
JT: After that night in the room when you first took heroin, when was the next