Straight Life - Art Pepper [115]
Diane had on a dress I was really crazy about. It was white, crocheted. Tiny crocheting. Handmade. It was a lacy, white dress you could wear to a wedding. She had put this dress on, and she was sitting on the toilet with her head hanging down on her chest, her arms laid out on her thighs and her hands hanging palms up. And I saw the red.
I couldn't stand to see it all at once. I turned and looked at the sink. There were three or four razor blades in it with blood on them. There was blood all over the sink and the floor. I looked again. There was blood all over this white dress. I looked, and she had cut both her wrists. I didn't know if she was still alive, but I saw, when I was finally able to look at her, that she was breathing, heavy, kind of sobbing, and I said, "Oh, my God! What happened? Why did you do that? What did you do that for? What's wrong with you? Jesus Christ." I grabbed each of her wrists over the cuts and held them as hard as I could to stop the blood and pulled her up off the toilet. I held her like that and just screamed at her, "What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Why did you do it? Oh, God!" I was getting sick because the sight of blood just makes me ... I'm terrified of blood.
I dragged her into the front room. I didn't know what to do. I was trying to revive her. I got her on the couch over by the phone. I put one of her wrists in my armpit to hold it and dialed a number. I got an ambulance, got a doctor to come, got ahold of her sister, all this time hanging on to her, and it seemed like forever. Finally there was a doctor there; there was police; and somebody came and took her away from me. She came to as they were carrying her out. She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry," and started crying.
When Diane came home I asked her why? She told me that she felt she couldn't reach me. That living with me was like being alone, and she loved me so much she couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand it and she wanted to die. I was really trapped then. I felt so sorry for her. It was a horrible situation. Patti kept calling. I just felt so guilty. We'd gotten an old car from Diane's dad; I think it was a '47 Pontiac. We drove to Las Vegas in this car and got married.
When we got back, I received word from the court that a hearing would be forthcoming. Remo and Patti were going to adopt Patricia. Then I got a phone call from Patti asking me if I'd got the papers. I said, "Yeah, but that won't do any good. I'm going to contest it." Patti said, "Well, I'm sorry, but we're going to win by default-by your not being there." She said, "I don't think I'd go if I were you. If you do, I just want to tell you what's going to happen." She had hired a private detective to follow me, and she proceeded to tell me all the places I'd scored at, all the things I'd done, the people who would get busted if I went to that hearing, and what would happen to me if those people got busted. It would be told to them how they got busted-because of me.
There was nothing I could do. I knew Patti must have told Patricia that I was a fiend. A sex fiend. A monster. She had set this whole thing up when I was in Terminal Island by taking Patricia to see me. The hearing was held. I couldn't go. Remo adopted Patricia.
Afterwards I got very frantic thinking about it. I remember one night it hit me more than usual. I'd been drinking. I told Diane, "I'm gonna go out to the valley and see them." I was going to kill them. Diane got scared. She wouldn't let me go alone. We got in the car, and she drove me out to Panorama City, all the time trying to talk me out of it, but I just kept raving, getting more and more worked up. I told her where to turn, and we stopped in the front of the house. I'd brought a hammer along. I got out of the car and I said, "You wait here." He not only took my wife but now he'd taken my daughter, and they were poisoning her mind against me! They'd tell her I hadn't contested the adoption because I didn't care about her!
I was really crazy. I'd been drinking in the car, and I'd taken