Straight Life - Art Pepper [117]
I heard the water running and ran into the bathroom. There was a big bathtub with a shower, and the shower was on. The hot water was going full blast. In this bathtub was everything I owned. I had some nice clothes. I had a beautiful black cashmere overcoat, and here was the coat and all my aftershave, perfume. She'd thrown the bottles in the bathtub and broken them. I had just bought a Buffet clarinet that cost about four hundred dollars. She had taken it out of the case and dumped it in the bathtub! My clarinet that I just loved! I ran out. I shouted, "Oh, you bastard, what's wrong with you?" She yelled back, "Don't come near me! I'll kill myself!" I said, "Oh, go ahead and kill yourself, you son-of-a-bitch!" I said, "Why are you doing this to me? Why don't you just leave me alone?"
I was afraid she was going to jump out the window. I would have gotten busted. I had marks; I had stuff there; I had an outfit; and she was screaming all this shit: "Junkie! Lady's boy!" Finally, I walked out the door. I said, "Do whatever you want." I walked down the stairs. I didn't know what to do. I went back upstairs, and she was gone. I went to the window and looked out. I looked for blood. I didn't see anything so I went downstairs again and asked the guy at the desk if he'd seen my old lady. He gave me a weird look. He said, "Yeah, she went out of here just a little while ago. Is there anything I can do?" I said, "No, it's just one of those hassles." He said, "Yeah, I know, I've been through it two or three times myself. Boy, they sure are a drag at times." I said, "They sure are a fuckin' drag."
I walked all over, looked all over. I went for hours looking for her and waiting and waiting. I went back to the place, and what seemed like days later she finally walks in.
She'd changed completely. She'd gone to the emergency hospital and told them she wanted to kill herself, and she wanted them to put her in the nut house. They sent her to a psychiatrist, and he listened to her story. Thank God, you know. Finally he said, "Do you love him?" She said yes. He said, "Well, you can do one of three things: You can leave him; you can stay with him the way things are now; or you can join him. Or you can kill yourself, but you'll just hurt him, and you won't solve anything that way." She said, "Well, I can't leave him, and I can't stand living with him the way it is, because I feel that he loves that more than me." He said, "Well that leaves one choice open. You can join him." So she'd decided that that was what she was going to do, and nothing could change her mind.
I begged her. I tried to reason with her. I told her it was the end of her life. Unfortunately, she knew the people I was scoring from, the houses I went to, and she said, "I'll go and score from them myself." I knew they'd give it to her because they love to turn a chick on; maybe they can get some head or something. They're real assholes, especially in Frisco, the people that deal. I was trapped. She said, "You can watch me now, but you have to go to work." There was nothing I could do except fix her. She was going to anyway, and I would rather do it myself because there was no telling what might happen to her. I was afraid she'd get an overjolt. I had to do it. I gave her a taste, and she loved it. I thought, "Here we go." She really loved it. And it was too bad. But it ended all the suicides, and our life became much