Straight Life - Art Pepper [168]
If any of the guards did shake us down or do anything bad to any of the six of us that worked in the paymaster's office, when their clothes came in, to let them know they couldn't get away with that, we'd take a razor blade and cut the linings in their coats. If they brought shoes we'd cut the insides out. We'd do it in such a way that when the coat went to the cleaners they could clean it; it would hold together. And we had an understanding with them there that if they noticed any tears or cuts they'd ignore them. The guard would pick up his coat, and then the next day when he'd put his arm into it the whole lining would shoot out the sleeve. In his pants the seat would rip when he sat down. The linings would come out of his shoes. And he would know what had happened, but there was nothing he could do. Too many people had access to his stuff. He'd know, but he couldn't do a thing, and when he came back he'd give us one of those looks and we'd say, "Oh, hello, Officer So-and-so, .nice day." And he wouldn't shake us down again.
We kept the books on the guards' hours. They got overtime for going on a deathwatch or whatever. We recorded it in code. If all those things weren't recorded accurately by number, when the books went to Sacramento the computer there would throw them out and the guy wouldn't get paid his overtime. It would take forever. He'd fill out a form, and we would lose the form. He'd know that we had goofed purposely, but he couldn't prove it. So when he was going to shake us down or shake down our cells, the guard would think, "Oh, no, I don't want to go through that again." And he'd turn his back and give us a pass.
As you entered the paymaster's office, in the front, to your left, was the counter. Across from that, on the right, was a big bin, and everything that was lost in the laundry would be put in this bin. Now, you know how women are-they love secondhand shops and sales and bargains, so they'd come in sometimes to look in the bin when I was alone in the morning or late in the afternoon. And there were some real pretty ones who worked in the offices, and no one ever saw them, no other convicts. They'd come in when I was alone, and they'd do little things. Like, when I was writing the ticket up they'd show me something on their clothes and they'd reach so their hand would touch my arm, and that little, teeny contact ... Or one of them would come in and I'd say, "We have some new stuff in the bin there. Why don't you look through it?" She'd say, "Well, I don't think I lost anything." I'd say, "Oh, that's okay. Look through it. We're just going to throw it away, and if there's anything you'd like to have, take it." She'd walk over to the bin, and I'd immediately walk out from behind the counter and join her. I'd purposely arranged this thing so she had to bend way down to get into it, and I'd stand where I could see part of her breasts or her brassiere. And from being locked up like that, just seeing that, I'd almost come right then. I'd move a little closer to her and say, "Oh, how about this? This looks like something you might use." I'd reach down and across her and raise up so my hand touched her breasts. I'd tell her to take her time looking, and I'd bend down as if I was straightening out the shoes that were in a row on the floor. I'd try to see up under her dress.
I felt that they knew what they were doing because a couple of these little chicks would bring in silk pajama type outfits to be cleaned which had stuff in them, as if they had come in the pants. We'd all smell them and save them for the other guys so they could smell them, and if they were really far-out I'd take them back to my cell with me and put them over my head and play with myself at night. You became so obsessed with sex that the smell of something like that just drove you insane.
When you first came in, in order to keep yourself from being run over by any group or any person you would have to pass that first test. Somebody'd test you, try you, bump into you, call you down to meet with them in the lower yard