Straight Life - Art Pepper [230]
A few people had seen me, but there were some groovy people there, older chicks who liked me, who'd been around. We were real friends. I went down to the club, and a few of these chicks took me downstairs. They asked what had happened, and I told them because I knew I could trust them. I cried. I wasn't crying for her. I was just crying for my life.
I went back into the club and I felt better about everything. I realized that that part of my life was past and, you know, when I was looking at Christine in the car I noticed that she had these panty hose on and they were kind of droopy. She didn't look sexy at all to me. But at that time I realized that I was thinking about sex again. I had had no sexual desire for a long time, since I'd gotten sick. I'd been getting ready to leave Synanon and go get loaded. I'd been thinking, "What's the use of trying for something I don't even want?" But when I started getting these old feelings, life seemed worth living and I didn't want to go out and ruin it by getting loaded and destroying my health.
Little by little it happened. I found myself looking to see who was going to be in my games, and if there was a groovy chick I'd watch to see where she sat so I could look at her during the game. Everybody was passionate because they weren't getting loaded anymore. Everybody was going through the same thing. I'd sit across from a chick; she would pretend that she was crossing her legs; and you know, they do little things so you can see up their dresses or they bend over. I started using these games. I'd talk to the chick and say, "Boy, I'd sure like to suck on your cunt!" Everybody would flip out and call me a dirty, nasty, rotten person, but I knew the girl I was saying it to liked it. Not the other ones. But you could say anything you wanted, and it was exciting, and the games changed for me from being nothing but hate sessions into a sexual trip.
I went to my tribe leader and said, "Man, I'm really getting a reawakening. I've really got eyes to get laid." He said, "How long you been here?" I think it was two, two and a half months. He said, "Well, being as you're an older guy, just start looking around and if you find a chick you have eyes for who has eyes for you, tell me and we'll talk about it. It's gotta be within certain guidelines. You're a newcomer so you can't go with an oldtimer chick, and certain chicks are, like, bad news. We want a chick that's going to be good for you. Look around. See someone you like and let me know, and I'll tell you if it's cool." From that minute I started looking for someone to make love to, and I thought I might even get lucky because a lot of people had found love there.
22
Synanon: Laurie
1969
THERE WAS a girl working in bookkeeping; she was Faye's secretary. She'd been married to a guy in Synanon Industries who I would later work for. Her name was Trudy. She was very neat and very smart, a great secretary. I used to make excuses to go in and see her just to talk to her. She had a little, upturned nose, and she was slender and delicate. She wore glasses. She had light hair, a light complexion, and a beautiful body. Every now and then I'd walk home with her from work and we'd eat together, things like that. I could tell she liked me.
I talked to her one day when we were having lunch together: "Boy, the one thing that's- really a drag here, once you clean up you have a real strong sexual drive and it's such a hassle. You can't see somebody you like and make love. You gotta go through that whole thing." I looked at her and I said, "You really turn me on. I'd sure like to make love to you." She blushed and said, "You would, huh? Well, I feel a strong attraction to you. I'd like to if we could." I told her, "I've talked to Bob and I have permission if the person is acceptable."
I went to Bob. He was in his little office. Each tribe had an office of their own in the club. There were a few people sitting around. I said, "I'd like to talk to you privately."