Strange Attractors - Kim Falconer [146]
He hesitated.
‘Trust me.’
He laughed, holding up his palm. She took it and immediately gouged him.
‘Ouch!’ He snapped back his hand. ‘Nell, what’s that for?’
‘Your education. Now, think about that pain. Focus on it. Feel only the pain.’
‘I am! It’s all I can feel.’ He pressed the wound to stem the bleeding. ‘That really hurt. Look.’ He held it out to her, blood rushing into the grooves of his palm and around the back of his hand. ‘That’s going to leave a scar.’
She patted his cheek. ‘Walk with me, Grayson.’
He carried on down the path while she chatted about something Rosette did when she was young. It was a delightful story and he pictured her there, a small child scampering away from the nanny goat as fast as she could run.
The Three Sisters cawed in the distance; the sun was finally warming his face. Nell clapped her hands, bringing him out of the reverie.
‘Think about your palm again. Remember how it felt?’
‘I do. It hurt like demons.’ He held out his hand, staring at the red mark and crusting blood. ‘It needs suturing, you know. At least three stitches.’
‘Good. Focus on that. Think of nothing but how much it hurts.’
‘Nell, this isn’t helping. It hurts worse than when you first did it.’
‘Ah.’ She smiled. ‘Is it making more sense to you then?’
Grayson stopped. ‘Are you saying that re-visiting the past is affecting the present?’
‘It’s more like the future is affecting the past. The further you go into the future, the more you are getting stabbed in the past.’
He scratched his head.
‘Grayson, the mind doesn’t know the difference between a memory and a current event.’
The furrow between his eyes deepened. ‘What?’
‘There is no difference between the process of remembering, imagining and seeing. The mind has no sense of time, so everything is experienced as real and in the present, whether it’s already occurred or a fantasy about the future.’
‘This is proven?’
She laughed. ‘You’re such a scientist.’ She took his hand and held her palm over it; the redness and discomfort vanished at once. ‘It is part of the natural paradigm on Gaela, so there is no proof needed here. On Earth, centuries ago, it was known but the information was withheld.’
‘I can imagine. ASSIST wouldn’t want the masses getting a hold of that concept.’
‘They didn’t. The point is, if you continue to remember events in a certain way, the results of those events, painful or happy, or positive or enlightened, continue to affect your reality. So you can keep thinking and reliving your conversation with Rosette that brings you grief, or you can play it out in your mind a different way—the way you want it to be. Focus on that, and before you know it, the old memory loses power.’
‘The pain goes away?’
‘Does your palm still hurt?’
‘You healed it, Nell. It doesn’t hurt at all.’
She laughed. ‘You thought I healed it, Grayson?’
‘You didn’t?’
‘It doesn’t matter if I did or not. What matters is what you think. When I was telling you the story about Rosette’s first experience milking a goat, did your palm hurt?’
He cleared his throat. ‘Not at all.’
‘And when you put your attention back on it?’
‘Like the demons again.’
‘So you understand. Pay attention to how you remember. Change it where you want. Think it the way you wish it were true.’
‘And that affects the future and the past?’
She put her arm around him and kissed his cheek.
‘Does it ever!’
Grayson contemplated her illustration when they returned to the cottage. He made them a pot of liquorice and mint tea, watching the herbs saturate, sinking to the bottom before securing the lid. Nell lit candles and burned scented oils. It soothed his soul. The sun brightened the stained-glass windows and he felt lighter.
‘Better?’ Nell asked.
‘Much.’
‘Part of her wasn’t here for this,’ she said, staring out the window. ‘I didn’t put it together before but it makes sense now.’ Her hands were on her hips, a crooked smile on her lips. ‘I’m guessing Rosette had more than a quick glimpse at my grimoire.’
‘What did she read?’
‘Enough to understand how to be in two places at once, I’ll wager.’