Stupid White Men-- and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation! - Michael Moore [107]
The only Bush I’ve been able to reduce to a pulp, I say with shame, is the only girl—their sister, Dorothy. She’s sweet; she’s a mom. And she had no idea what to say when I asked her which of her brothers she thought would win the “Let’s See Who Can Kill More Inmates on Death Row” race, George or Jeb.
She was visibly offended; in truth, she looked genuinely hurt by the implication that her brothers are cold-blooded killers. She looked as if she was going to cry. I felt like a jerk. Way to go, Mike, you finally took a Bush down!
Of course, there is one other Bush brother, Marvin—though you wouldn’t know it from the media. I have never met Marvin. You have never met Marvin. No one has ever met Marvin. God knows where he is or what he’s up to—other than planning how to get one over on me.
After the chilling encounter with Jeb, I boarded my plane to L.A., unable to get the episode out of my head. Then, as I was trying to open the bag of honey roasted peanuts, a bolt of something struck me—and it wasn’t the guy’s seat three inches in front of me. I got on one of those expensive air phones and called Ralph. I spoke to the three people who were running his campaign, aware there was a.chance the man himself was also listening in.
“Guys,” I said. “Has it crossed your mind that the most powerful man in America today is ... Ralph Nader?”
Silence on the other end of the phone.
“I’m serious. His five percent is going to make the difference. Bush, more than anything else this week, needs Ralph to do well in order for him to win. And Gore needs Nader out of the way in order for him to win. If Ralph wasn’t in the race, Gore would win. Only one man can call the shots here, only one candidate has any real say today. And that’s Ralph Nader.”
I continued. “But after November seventh, that power is gone. The power is only good for the next week or so, as Gore and Bush see all their plans hanging on the actions of one manRalph Nader. Why not use this position of power for some good?”
“What did you have in mind?” asked one of them.
“Ralph holds Gore’s future in his hands. What if he were to call Gore and say, ‘Hey, you wanna be president, this is what you have to do by noon tomorrow...’ and then give Gore a laundry list to pick from—universal health care, an end to the phony drug war, no tax cuts for the rich—whatever. Ralph asks nothing for himself—no cabinet position, no funding for his projects. He just wants Gore to do the right thing, and if Gore publicly commits to doing so, then Ralph goes on TV and says, “We’ve made our point. We have helped Al Gore see the need for x, y, or z. He’s told the nation he is committed to doing that. So next Tuesday, if you live in one of the swing states and you’re supporting me, I want you to vote for Gore. The rest of you, in the other forty states, I still need your vote so that we can build a viable third party to keep Gore’s feet to the fire.’
“In other words, declare victory! After all, the reason Ralph’s running in the first place—to push the political agenda more our way—will have been accomplished.
“What do you think?”
“We can’t count on getting our five percent unless we get every vote we can in every state,” the campaign manager responded. “We can’t give up a single vote at this point.”
“But, the day after you get that five percent,” I replied, “that’s all you’ll have—five percent of the vote, and zero percent of the power! Today though, you—we—hold all the power. One candidate needs Nader in, the other needs Nader out. This election is going to be decided by a percentage point or two. Ralph holds anywhere from two to five percent. Today, right now, you and Ralph get to say who the next President is going to be! You will never have this kind of power in your hands again, the rest of your lives.”
A longtime Nader colleague who was on the call understood what I was trying to say. “But you’re never going to get Ralph to