Stupid White Men-- and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation! - Michael Moore [11]
At the traditional point where Presidents since Jimmy Carter have stopped their limos and emerged to walk the last four blocks (as a reminder that we are a nation ruled not by kings but by, uh, equals), Bush’s triple-armored black car with its dark-tinted windows—favored by mobsters everywhere—came to an abrupt halt. The crowd grew louder—“HAIL TO THE THIEF!” You could see the Secret Service and Bush’s advisers huddling in the freezing rain, trying to figure out what to do. If Bush got out and walked, he would be booed, shouted down, and pelted with eggs the rest of the way. The limousine sat there for what must have been five minutes. The rain poured. Eggs and tomatoes hit the car. The protesters dared Bush to step out and face them.
Then, suddenly, the President’s car bolted and tore down the street. The decision had been made—hit the gas and get past this rabble as quickly as possible. The Secret Service agents running beside the limo were left behind, the car’s tires splashing dirty rain from the street onto the men who were there to protect its passenger. It might have been the finest thing I have ever witnessed in Washington, D.C.—a pretender to the American throne forced to turn tail and run from thousands of American citizens armed only with the Truth and the ingredients of a decent omelet.
Once the American Lie put the pedal to the metal, it ran for cover to the bulletproof reviewing stand in front of the White House. Many of Bush’s family and invited guests had already left to get dry. But George stood there and waved proudly at the marching bands, their instruments disabled by the rain, the long parade of floats wilted and crumbled by the time they arrived at the 1600 block of Pennsylvania Avenue. Every so often a lucky convertible passed by, carrying the few dampened celebrities Bush had convinced to honor him—Kelsey Grammer, Drew Carey, Chuck Norris. By parade’s end Bush stood alone in the stands, drenched, even his parents having deserted him for shelter. It was a pathetic sight—the poor little rich boy who came in second showing up to claim his prize, with no one there to cheer him on.
Sadder still were the 154 million of us who had not voted for him. In a nation of 200 million voters, I would say we constitute the majority.
And yet what could George W. have been thinking, other than “What, me worry?” There were plenty of hired hands to be installed in the White House, pulling the strings for their puppet President. With Daddy’s old buddies called back to D.C. to lend a hand, Georgie could sit back and tell the public he was “delegating.” The puppetmasters moved in, and the business of running the world could easily be left to them.
And who are these fine, patriotic pillars of the Bush junta? They represent the modest and selfless ranks of corporate America, and they are listed below, for easy reference, to help the United Nations and NATO forces round them up when they arrive to restore order and democracy. Grateful citizens will line the boulevards and avenues and cheer their arrival.
Personally, I will settle for nothing less than multiple show trials and their immediate deportation to a real banana republic. God Bless America!
Who’s Who in the Coup
Acting President/“Vice President”—Dick Cheney
I’m not sure yet where the “compassionate” part of “compassionate conservatism” comes from, but I do know where the conservatism resides. For six terms Dick Cheney was a congressman representing Wyoming, and he had one of the most conservative voting records of all 435 members of Congress. Cheney voted against the Equal Rights Amendment, against funding the Head Start program, against a House resolution calling for South Africa to release Nelson Mandela from prison, and against federal funding for abortions even in cases of rape or incest. And his record doesn’t stop there. Cheney has