Stupid White Men-- and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation! - Michael Moore [98]
Reagan, Bush, Cheney, and the whole Lott of them are responsible for decades of cruel legislation designed to punish the poor, imprison those with health problems (drug addictions), or strip rights from desperate people here in America “illegally.” But when they find themselves in a desperate situation, suddenly they have the compassion of St. Francis and the mercy of Mother Teresa.
The rich and powerful make it their mission in life to destroy our air, poison our water, rip us off, and make it impossible for us to get any sort of help at the customer service window, but when their actions come back to haunt them they aren’t spooked—they’re looking for a handout.
Well, I say that’s a good thing! Let’s hope they get all they’re looking for. If it takes a personal tragedy for them to come to their senses, so be it. After all, in spite of their seven-bathroom houses and garages full of Bentleys, they’re just like us. They are H-U-M-A-N. And when a loved one of theirs is lying in bed constantly soiling their adult diapers, pissing all over the new designer sheets, and blabbering on like the crippled souls whose care and funding they just cut from the federal budget—well, in times like these, rich or poor, pus from facial sores all starts looking the same. Equality achieved—one nation, incapacitated, justice for all.
So now, thanks to Ronald Reagan’s misfortune, we’re going to get a little federally funded stem cell research—maybe even find a cure for Alzheimer’s and God knows what else. Just think about that for a minute. This is what it takes today to get a little responsible scientific research funded. Our beloved former leader, o helped ruin the lives of millions of women because he thought these embryos were little tykes, now finds himself in a debilitating pickle—and just because hordes of conservatives consider him a saint, millions of average Americans will finally be relieved of their suffering?
This phenomenon—the well-heeled changing their tune as soon as they become the victims—is happening everywhere. In New York City, Republican mayor Rudolph Giuliani, who for years opposed the city paying for health care for uninsured children, did an abrupt about-face—after he came down with cancer. “I have to admit,” a humbled Giuliani explained to the press, “Once I got cancer, I began to see a lot of things in a new light.”
Or take Big Dick Cheney. Cheney quietly halts any antigay initiatives that may come from the White House. Why? Because his daughter is a lesbian. Where would Dick Cheney stand on this issue if a loved one of his weren’t gay? Probably not too far down that road in Wyoming where Matthew Shepard was left to die on a cross of fence posts. These faggots and fairies take on a whole new dimension when one of them sprang from your loins. The day his daughter came out of the closet was at least one day Dick Cheney stopped being a fat-cat Republican and responded like a human being and a father. When it hits home, it’s very hard to keep acting like an asshole.
So I’ve decided that the only hope we have in this country to bring aid to the sick, protection to the victims of discrimination, and a better life to those who suffer is to pray like crazy that those in power are afflicted with the worst possible diseases, tragedies, and circumstances in life. Because I can guarantee you, as soon as it’s their ass on the line, we’re all on the way to being saved.
With that in mind, I’ve written a prayer to speed the recovery of all those in need, by asking God to smite every political leader and corporate executive with some form of deadly disease. I know