Suckers - Jack Kilborn [9]
I wiped my palms off on my jeans, hoping he wouldn’t notice.
“Did I scare you?” he asked.
“No.”
“I bet I did.”
“Okay, yeah, you did, but that knife looks sharp, all right? You can’t expect me not to be a little uncomfortable when you’re trying to stab me with it.”
“I bet you almost wet your pants.”
“Would it make you feel better if I had?”
He shook his head. “That would probably be awkward.”
“Yeah, for me too.”
He sighed. I sighed back.
“Why didn’t you finish stabbing me?” I asked.
“Dunno.”
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“Maybe. I just…do you ever feel like you’re playing a part that isn’t really you? I mean, I feel ridiculous in this spiked jacket. What do you think?”
“Honestly, I thought the jacket was pretty cool.”
“It’s too hot. And it doesn’t fit right in the back. And these spiky things keep scraping on furniture and stuff. I wonder if I should just give up the whole idea of killing people for a living. I don’t think I’m cut out for it. I like being the lovable guy. I like being cuddly.”
“Cuddly is good. So how much trouble will you get in if you don’t kill me?”
“I’m not sure. Not too much. He was only paying me fifty bucks.”
“Fifty bucks? Fifty?”
“Yeah.”
“My life is only worth fifty dollars? Are you kidding me?”
“Is that low?”
“Of course it’s low! Holy crap, I was thinking you were making at least five figures, probably six!”
“I made seven dollars an hour at Wal-Mart.”
“I can’t believe you would kill me for fifty bucks. That’s just insulting. Who hired you?”
“Todd McBride.”
“Don’t know him. But people try to kill me every once in a while. It’s just part of being me. But…fifty bucks? You’d pay an exterminator more than that to kill some bugs! Perhaps you should leave.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry this didn’t work out.”
“Me too. I’ll resign in the morning. I didn’t really want to see sliced flesh anyway.” He turned around, took a step toward the kitchen, then hesitated and returned his attention to me. “You know, I’m out fifty bucks.”
“Yeah, and…?”
“Maybe you could pitch in a little. It doesn’t have to be the whole fifty, but something for my time would be nice.”
“I’ll be honest with you. Paying somebody not to kill me would feel sort of like paying for sex.”
“You’re just saying that because your wife monitors the finances, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m saying it because it would make me feel icky.”
Victor frowned. “Oh.”
“Sorry.”
He stood there for a moment, silent.
“Well, do you have any of those juice boxes left?”
“I think there’s one in the fridge.”
“Thanks.”
“Don’t take the cherry one.”
“Okay.”
Victor wandered into the kitchen and rummaged through the refrigerator. I heard him leave and sat on the recliner for a while, more than a little annoyed. I couldn’t even get back into my book.
Still, at least I was alive. And I’d helped Victor realize that the life of a killer-for-hire wasn’t for just anybody with access to a bladed weapon. So the evening wasn’t a total loss. In fact, since I now knew that my lightning fast reflexes needed to be honed, I had fodder for self-improvement.
If you really thought about it, it was a very worthwhile experience.
I returned to the novel, feeling good.
Then Helen came home and I got in trouble because I forgot to clean up the grape juice on the carpet. So the rest of the night sucked.
A Harry McGlade Mystery by JA Konrath
“I want you to kill the man that my husband hired to kill the man that I hired to kill my husband.”
If I had been paying attention, I still wouldn’t have understood what she wanted me to do. But I was busy looking at her legs, which weren’t adequately covered by her skirt. She had great legs, curvy without being heavy, tan and long, and she had them crossed in that sexy way that