Summer Secrets - Barbara Freethy [124]
Ashley couldn't remember the last time she'd come here. It had to be years. But Sean was here. He was going to tell his father that he wouldn't be sailing away on Saturday or any other day. He would finally be taking on the role of son in Amberson and Sons. It was a role that had been empty for too long. She knew the Ambersons would be happy to have Sean at home. He was the only son they had left, and he belonged here. She'd known that all along.
In some ways, Sean's absence had only added to her guilt. He shouldn't have had to leave home. Their breakup had never been about him or even their love; it had been about all the things she couldn't tell him, things that involved Jeremy and Kate, Caroline and her father, things they had promised to take to their graves. The only way she had been able to keep the promise was to distance herself from Sean. In doing so, she'd hurt him and herself. Hurting herself had been a just punishment. Sean, however, had never deserved that pain.
She wanted to tell him that. She wanted to say she was sorry, to let him know that if it became too difficult again, she would be the one to leave, she would be the one to sacrifice. And she was prepared to do it. It wouldn't be an empty promise. If one of them had to leave, it would be her. She still didn't know if it would be possible to be with him, to see him day in and day out, without ever talking about the past.
Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door and walked inside. The building was quiet. She walked down the hallway past the business offices and into the main building. There were two boats under construction, one barely begun and one almost finished, a sleek twenty-five-foot sailboat. It was beautiful. The wood was smooth, rich, expensive. She couldn't help running her hand along the side.
The touch brought back feelings of another lifetime -- the rail on the Moon Dancer warmed by the noonday sun, hot beneath her fingers. To cool her hand, she'd put it over the side, trailing her fingers in the chilly water of the deep blue sea. So many days of the sun, the wind, the moon, the stars. Endless hours of watching the different shades of water play out in front of their eyes. The sudden squawk of a seabird sometimes the only thing to break the endless quiet.
But it wasn't always peaceful out there. Sometimes the wind sounded like a freight train roaring down the tracks. Sometimes the night was so dark, the mist so thick, that she'd felt like she was sitting in a cloud, suffocating.
Just the thought shook her up. She turned her head, instinctively seeking air, escape. Sean was standing there, watching her.
"Hi," she said somewhat nervously.
"Hi, yourself."
He looked at her as if he wanted to kiss her again, and she couldn't help licking her lips, bringing his gaze to her mouth. Maybe this was a bad idea.
"Did you talk to your dad?" she asked, breaking into speech, anything to cut the tension between them.
"This morning. He was thrilled. I finally did something to make the old man happy."
"I bet your mom is happy, too."
"Over the moon. She's making my favorite dinner, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and pecan pie. You're invited, by the way. She's sure you had something to do with my change of mind."
"It wasn't me," she said with a self-deprecating shrug.
"Of course it was you. It's always been you, Ash."
She swallowed hard. "I wanted to tell you something." She hesitated, not sure how to say it.
Sean held up a hand. "I don't like the expression on your face. Things are good between us right now. Let's just leave it that way, at least for today. What do you say?"
"I just wanted to tell you that I don't want you to ever go away again because of me. If anyone needs to leave, I'll be the one."
"No one needs to leave. We're grown up now. Can't we just put the past behind us?"
She wanted to do exactly that. "Do you think that's possible?"
"I know it is." He paused. "When you first came back from the race, I badgered you constantly