Supercoach - Michael Neill [19]
At Level II, we go to work on the self-image directly. We use hypnosis, relaxation, and guided visualization to change the pictures we have of ourselves in our mind. We run movies of our past successes and condition ourselves over 21 days or 30 days or however long it takes for us to begin to see ourselves in a new light.
Now, it’s important to point out that this will have a powerful effect on the way we are in the world. But even if I’d done all that with Oliver, he would still have been crap at baseball—he just would have thought he was good at it.
This is echoed by a 2003 global study into the relationship between self-esteem and math ability in middle-school students. Of the ten countries with the highest level of student confidence, only Israel and the United States scored higher than average on the international test, and their scores were far below those of the much less confident students in Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, and Taiwan.
When I suggested to Jeremy that rather than work on his confidence, self-image, or even self-esteem, he should work on his business and the creative art of selling, he seemed a bit disappointed. But I then talked with him about the true source of self-esteem: his own innate well-being. I pointed out that when we take our focus off creating a more beautiful mask and put it toward uncovering our highest, deepest self, we discover that underneath the mask and underneath all the thoughts about what’s wrong with us is something really rather wonderful.
In the end, Jeremy decided that he would rather spend his time being happy and going for what he wanted than going for what he wanted in the hopes that it would one day make him happy. In less than a year of connecting with the diamond of his essence, he had become a “diamond” in his network as well.
Here’s a simple experiment that will allow you to experience this secret for yourself. . . .
Self-Improvement Vacation
1. Take a week off from working on yourself in any way. Don’t try to change, improve, or fix yourself—just enjoy hanging out with your work, your hobbies, and your loved ones.
2. If you can’t bring yourself to take the whole week off, take a few days off.
3. If you can’t bring yourself to take a few days off, just take one.
4. If you can’t even take one day off from putting nail polish on your diamond, repeat Step 1.
In a nutshell:
• Well-being is not the fruit of something you do; it is the essence of who you are.
• There is nothing you need to change, do, be, or have in order to be happy.
• You are a diamond, buried in horse crap, coated in nail polish.
• If you want to get better at something, work on your craft, not on yourself.
Don’t worry if your life hasn’t completely transformed just yet! The most common experience my clients share when we start working together is that nothing much seems to be happening until they turn around at some point and notice just how much has happened.
Remember, you can take as much or as little time as you want before you move on to the next session.
Have fun, learn heaps, and happy exploring. . . .
SESSION THREE
The Problem with Goals
“I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished
one’s business on earth, like the male spider, who is
killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in
courtship. I like a state of continual becoming,
with a goal in front and not behind.”
— George Bernard Shaw
Why Does a Bird Sing?
A teacher who had received much acclaim for his insights and discourses into the nature of the universe was asked by one of his students what difference he hoped to make in the world through his teaching.
After a few moments’ thought, the teacher replied that he had no such hopes.
“Those who can truly hear what I have to say don