Supercoach - Michael Neill [29]
• If we treat whatever stands in our way as an obstacle, we can bring the full creative resources of our mind to bear on the situation and find ways to get over, around, or through it.
• If we choose to use it as an excuse, we allow ourselves to be tripped up or otherwise stopped by it.
While I would love to say I leaped over that kid and carried on to save a touchdown, the truth is that I let my foot catch on his shoulder pad and tumbled to the ground. I thought I’d feel relief, but what I actually felt was embarrassment and shame.
Now, of course, I know there’s no embarrassment in a 12-year-old taking himself “out of the game” when he’s exhausted and frightened. But I’ve also realized as an adult what a shame it is to allow an obstacle to become an excuse.
This is what I’ve learned:
If you really want what you want,
there’s always a way for you to create it.
Obstacle or Excuse?
1. What do you want? Write down at least one big goal and at least one smaller one.
2. For each goal, answer the question: “What stops you?” As I wrote in You Can Have What You Want, it will always appear to be to do with one of nine things: information, skill, belief, well-being, other people, motivation, time, money, or fear.
3. Notice whether you’ve been treating that thing as an obstacle or an excuse. In other words, have you been actively brainstorming ways to handle it, or have you been telling yourself, “Oh well, maybe next time”?
4. If it’s just an obstacle, get yourself into a higher state and brainstorm it again. Bring in friends, bring in a coach, bring in whatever and whoever you need to blast that obstacle to smithereens!
5. If it’s an excuse, you have two choices:
a. Turn it into an obstacle and go back to Step 4. You do this by bringing your best self and your full creative resources to bear on how to get past it.
b. Give yourself a break and let go of the goal. When you don’t really want to do something, one excuse is pretty much as good as another.
In a nutshell:
• Obsessing about goals is like playing a game of fetch with yourself, using your happiness and self-worth as the bone.
• There’s nowhere for you to get to—you’re just here.
• If you really want what you want, there’s always a way for you to create it.
You might want to take a break before moving on to the next session. You can stretch your legs, go for a walk, or just take some time to reflect on what you’ve been learning.
When you’re ready, I’ll see you in the next session.
SESSION FOUR
The Simple Way
to Make Decisions
“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting
at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait.
Do not even wait, be quite still and solitary. The world
will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no
choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”
— Franz Kafka
The Abbot and the Monk
Many thousands of years ago, or so the story goes, the word of God was transcribed into written form. Because there were no word processors, photocopiers, or even printing presses, monks would painstakingly copy each original text by hand. It could easily take a year to complete just one document.
A young monk who had abandoned the search for worldly pleasures wanted to see for himself the ancient texts and drink directly from the source of all wisdom. He volunteered to help copy them, but soon realized that he was in fact not copying ancient texts at all. He was copying copies made by other monks, who no doubt had also spent their lives copying copies of the word of God.
In his enthusiasm and curiosity, he asked the abbot if it would be possible to check the original texts, which were stored deep in the vaults of the monastery. After all, the monk reasoned, if any mistakes had been made in the copies, they were now being spread from generation to generation.
The old abbot declined his request. He told the young monk not to worry about such things, and the young monk dutifully obeyed.
Years passed and the young monk