Sushi for Beginners - Marian Keyes [82]
‘Funny,’ she smiled weakly at Boo. ‘He was really funny.’
Funny is fecking well right. Saying he’d ring, then not bothering his arse. She ran up the stairs in her haste to see if there was a message.
At the sight of the red light flashing, her head went giddy. She hit ‘play’, and as the tape rewound to the start, she did a quick lap where she rubbed the lucky Buddha, touched her lucky pebble, stroked her lucky crystal and pulled on her lucky red bobble hat. ‘Please, Benign Force in the Universe that I choose to call God,’ she prayed, ‘let him have rung.’
There was obviously some confusion in the space-time continuum, because her prayers were answered. But they were the wrong prayers. Out-of-date prayers – the message was from Phelim. So many times in the past Ashling had prayed for Phelim to ring her, and now that he had, it was too late.
‘G’day, Ashling,’ he crackled from Sydney. ‘How’re you going?’ He sounded sunny and Australian, then he lapsed back into a Dublin accent. ‘Listen, I’m after forgetting to buy my ma a birthday present and it’s more than my life’s worth. Would you get her an ornament or something, you know better than me what she likes, and I’ll see you right. Thanks, you’re a gem.’
‘Bloody eejit,’ she muttered, pulling off her lucky red bobble hat. If she hadn’t sorted him out with tickets, visas, passports and Australian dollars, Phelim would still be trying to figure out how to leave the country. She’d almost had to physically put him on the plane with a note around his neck. Then she noted her reactions – a complete absence of nausea, nostalgia or yearning. Contact with Phelim usually upset her, but it looked like she’d started to believe her own publicity. She really was over him.
She picked up the phone and rang Ted. ‘If only Civil Servant-Boy could be here,’ she said, by way of greeting.
‘I’m on my way.’
‘Get Joy as well.’
Moments later Ashling greeted Ted and Joy by saying, ‘I’m having man trouble.’
‘Me too,’ Joy said, almost boastfully.
‘Half-man-half-badger?’
‘Half-prick-half-badger,’ Joy corrected. ‘Giving me the run-around. But what man, Ashling, is giving you trouble? Mr Sexy Delicious at work? I think I predicted this, didn’t I?’
‘Who? Oh, Jack Devine?’ The memory of the two hundred cigarettes made her uncomfortable, so she moved swiftly along to the ‘act your age, not the speed limit’ accusation, and once again knew where she stood. ‘That bastard?’
Joy gave Ted a smug, I-told-you-so smile. ‘Feelings are running high,’ she observed indulgently.
‘It’s not Jack Devine,’ Ashling insisted. ‘It’s that stand-up comedian, Marcus Valentine.’
‘What,’ Joy asked testily, ‘are you on about?’
So Ashling told the whole story, about meeting Marcus at the party on the quays, the Bellez-moi note –
‘But he said that in his act!’ Ted said excitedly. ‘The girl he was talking about was you. This is outstanding!’
Ashling held up her hand for silence. ‘Then I met him again the weekend before last at the party in Rathmines and I still didn’t fancy him. But I saw him on Saturday night and I think I started to like him. And he said he’d ring me and he hasn’t.’
‘But of course he hasn’t!’ Joy exclaimed. ‘It’s only Monday.’
With her words, sanity returned to Ashling. ‘You’re absolutely right! I’m tying myself up in knots as usual and I’m not even sure I fancy him. And to think I spent all day yesterday on edge. Will I ever learn…?’
‘If he’s going to call you, it’ll be on Tuesday or Wednesday,’ Joy said, with confidence.
‘How do you know?’
‘It’s in the boys’ rulebook. Ted, take note. You meet a girl on Saturday night and you never ring before Tuesday because you might seem too keen. If the call doesn’t happen on Tuesday or Wednesday it doesn’t happen at all.’
‘What about Thursday?’ Ashling asked, in alarm.
‘Too close to the weekend,’ Joy shook her head knowingly. ‘They reckon your plans are already made and they don’t want to risk rejection.’
‘Actually, Saturday night’s already booked.’ Ashling was briefly distracted. ‘I said I’d babysit for Dylan and Clodagh.’