Swallowing Darkness - Laurell K. Hamilton [63]
She stood there, Her hands drawn back into Her cloak, so that all of Her was in shadow. “You are angry with me.”
I started to deny it, then realized She was right. “So much death, Goddess, so many plots. Doyle has nearly been killed twice in just a few days. Frost is lost to me. I would protect my people and myself.” I touched my stomach, but it was flat, and I did not feel that first swelling of pregnancy. I had a moment of fear.
“No fear, Meredith. You do not see yourself as pregnant yet, so your dream image is how you see yourself.”
I tried to quiet the sudden racing of my pulse. “Thank you.”
“Yes, there is death and danger, but there are also children. You will know joy.”
“I have too many enemies, Mother.”
“Your allies grow in number with each magic you perform.”
“Are you certain that I will survive to sit the dark throne?”
Her silence was like the wind, howling across the plain. It had an edge of coldness to it that made me shiver in the light of that sun.
“You are not certain.”
“I can see many paths, and many choices being made. Some of those choices lead you to the throne. Some do not. Your own heart has debated whether the throne is even what you want.”
I remembered moments when I would have traded all of faerie for a lifetime with Doyle and Frost. But that dream was already gone. “If I was willing to leave all of faerie behind and go with Doyle and my men, Cel would hunt me down and slaughter us. I have no choice but to take the throne or die.”
She stood with aged hands on a cane now. “I am sorry, Meredith. I thought better of my sidhe. I thought they would rally around you when they saw my grace return. They are more lost than even I could have imagined.” Sorrow was thick in Her voice so that it made me want to cry with Her.
She continued. “Perhaps it is time to take my blessings to the humans.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you wake, you will all be healed, but there are too many in faerie who would do you and yours harm. Go back to the Western lands, Meredith. Go back to your other people, for you are right, you are not just sidhe. Perhaps if they see that my blessings can pass them by and be given to others, it will make them more careful of them.”
“Are you saying you would use me to give magic to mortals?”
“I am saying that if the sidhe turn away from me and mine, then we should see if there are other more grateful hearts and minds.”
“The sidhe are magic, Mother; humans are not.”
“The very workings of their bodies are magic, Meredith. It is all miracles. Now sleep, and wake rested, and know that I will do what I can for you. I will speak loudly to those who still listen. To those who have shut their hearts and minds to me, I can only put obstacles in their paths.” She gestured toward me, and Her hand was young again. “Rest now, and when you wake you will go back to the mortal world.”
The vision began to fade, and I was once more aware that I was in bed with my men. My hand no longer ached from the thorns, and I could move it so Sholto and I were free of our hand-binding. The thought was solid enough to wake me, but the blanket of flower petals tucked itself under my chin, like a mother tucking you in when you are very small, and again I had that feeling that nothing could harm me. Mother was there, and all was right with the world. I had a moment to find it strange that this abstract feeling of the Goddess was more comforting than she herself had been on the hillside. I felt the brush of a kiss on my forehead, and heard her voice, Gran’s voice. “Sleep, Merry-girl. I will keep watch.” And as I had when I was small, I believed, and slept.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I WOKE TO THE BRUSH OF FLOWERS, AND THE SPILL OF HAIR AS warm as fur across my face. Doyle’s face was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, and I couldn’t have thought of anything better to wake up to. I reached up to touch his face. His smile widened, a