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By Root 469 0

the swim. I smiled. I thought back to what a friend had told me: “You’re so ready for this. Have no doubts.” He was right. I was ready. I didn’t doubt. Taking another deep breath, I looked out again. Everything was set. I started down the gangway, holding tight to the ice-cold railing with my right hand, hanging on to my goggles with my left hand, and watching my feet, making sure I placed each solidly on each step. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I sat down on a platform and looked at the crew. They were smiling reassuringly. They were as ready and as apprehensive and excited as I was. I smiled at them, and then I retreated deep into my mind and took one last moment to focus within myself. I didn’t want to remain there long; the platform was so cold I felt like I was sitting on a giant ice-cube tray. My feet dangled inches above the water.

The waves looked molten. They rose to two to three feet, coming from my left side, then flowed slowly forward as if they were melted glass. They were Payne’s gray, the same color as the blue-gray highlights on emperor penguin feathers. I was afraid looking at the water for too long would psych me out. I placed my hands on either side of my body and reminded myself not to press the air out of my swim cap, the way I normally did. I wondered if I should lick my goggles so they wouldn’t fog up. I had thought this through before, but I still wasn’t sure what to do. If I licked them, would that help keep them clear, or would that moisture turn to ice? If they iced up, I’d have to take them off to see, and how would the frigid water affect my eyes? It would be painful, and I’d lose the heat more quickly through my unprotected eyes. But the most troubling question was, Would the extreme cold permanently damage my eyes? I decided to do what I normally did and licked the goggles, then pulled them over my head. If I couldn’t see through them, I’d just have to swim the whole way with my head up.

This was the hardest part, the first step. I was afraid, but I wanted to be there; I wanted to see what I could do. A wave rose to within an inch of my feet and instinctively I lifted them up. I didn’t want to touch the water before I slid in, afraid it would psych me out. The wind was blowing at around thirty knots right off the glaciers, right into me. I was already losing body heat.

I took a deep breath, leaned back, and threw my torso forward, keeping my feet under me. In flight, my body braced itself. My feet hit first, then my knees, thighs, chest, and face. I didn’t want my head to go under, but I couldn’t help it. I rapidly dog-paddled myself to the surface, got my head above the water, and gasped for air as the molten ice water shattered around me. All I could feel was cold. All I could do was turn over my arms as fast as they would go and breathe. All I could think about was moving forward. There were so many alarming sensations that my mind could not distinguish what was happening to my body. I just kept swimming.

The water was searingly cold, pervasive, and it stung. It was so cold I had to constantly tell myself to keep going, that I could do this. Gradually, I lowered my face into the water, and my body shuddered and stiffened like a block of ice. I turned my head, drew in a deep breath, put my face back into the water, and for the first time, I looked at my watch on my left arm to check my time. I thought I had been swimming for at least ten minutes. I looked again. I had been swimming for only one minute. I thought, Oh my God! How am I ever going to keep going at this rate? I told myself, You’ve got to. You can’t bring these people with you all the way to Antarctica and swim for only a minute. You’ve got to keep going. A wave hit me in the face and I experimented; I let the water fill my mouth. It didn’t hurt my teeth, and it tasted surprisingly more sweet than salty. It must have been because the sun was shining and the glaciers were melting.

I was swimming at eighty strokes per minute, working harder than I had ever worked before, fighting the cold, going as fast as I could.