Taft 2012 - Jason Heller [52]
Taft wished his mustache were there to hide his sudden snarl. “You think, sir, that things were black and white in my day?” Allen looked startled. “I assure you, that was just the photography. My presidency had every motive and opportunity to overstep its political and moral bounds, both here and abroad. I made some decisions that I know were wrong. I made far more that may have made my job harder, and may have asked for more of a sacrifice from the country, but they were simply the right and decent things to do. Don’t patronize or preach to me. I don’t care if you’re from the year 20,000. I’ve still seen more of the grays of this world than you ever will. The only difference is, I don’t cloak myself in them. No, sir. If you want me as your candidate, Mr. Holtz, you shall have to allow me to run my own campaign.”
The man stuck out his hand. “Sounds like a deal.” They shook on it, and although Allen’s wiry hand was engulfed in Taft’s thick one, the man cocked an eyebrow. “But … you’ll let us suggest practical details, right?”
“Certainly, certainly,” Taft said. “What did you have in mind?”
“Well, Mr. Taft, see, I was thinking about your announcement …”
TWITTER—Jan. 17, 2012
taft2012
No sooner have I grown accustomed to the wonders of Google, I am introduced to the wizardry of Twitter! So, this is the new town square. Gree
taft2012
Well do I recall the wave of excitement that flooded the world upon the introduction of the telephone. So it surprises me not a bit that Twi
taft2012
It appears I have misunderstood the functioning of this 140-letter transmission. My apologies, readers, for the confusion! I have the hang o
taft2012
Aha. The blank spaces are to be counted as well.
taft2012
How remarkable. It is true what they say: It is harder to speak in few words than in many.
taft2012
Well, of one thing you may be assured from these awkward rhetorical fumblings: It is I, William Howard Taft, behind this faceless broadcast.
jamesjamesjames
Wait, hang on, @taft2012 is really Taft? #Taft
Robbrenner
@jamesjamesjames I think @taft2012 is just that same roleplayer who’s been doing shtick since the President Kane Blu-Ray came out. #Taft
njerica
@Robbrenner Hang on, @taft2012 keeps getting retweeted by @TaftPartyUSA—that might really be him! #Taft
TaftPartyUSA
To answer all the questions, yes, @taft2012 is the big man himself! Everyone follow him—there’s an announcement coming! #Taft
tunabubbles
@TaftPartyUSA Hope he’s going to announce that he finally knows how to count to 140. #Taft #Fail #TaftFail
njerica
An announcement coming from @taft2012 via @TaftPartyUSA? OMG, I don’t believe it … #Taft
Robbrenner
LOL @tunabubbles, he’s going to announce that he’s all washed up now, but he could really use a hand getting dry. #TaftFail
taft2012
I, William Howard Taft, am honored and humbled to answer the Taft Party’s call to stand in the 2012 presidential election.
taft2012
I am further honored to have Congresswoman Rachel Taft—a strong, brilliant, devoted Ohioan and American if I do say so—as my running mate.
njerica
Holy crap, it’s for real! #Taft #2012election
JudgeMatthews
@taft2012 This is amazing. Finally, we’re going to have a candidate with the right experience to be president. He’s BEEN president.
njerica
Will never forget where I was when I saw @taft2012 on TV the 1st time. Now know what old folks mean when they say that about the Challenger.
jamesjamesjames
@taft2012 @TaftPartyUSA Where do I sign up as a campaign volunteer? #Taft
SamFromChicago666
@jamesjamesjames You and me both. That man is hot stuff. About time the Oval Office held some real beefcake! #Taft
FollowTheLogicChain
@jamesjamesjames Volunteer? Don’t. It’s all bullshit. You really believe President Taft came back like King Arthur to lead us? #TaftIsAHoax
jamesjamesjames
@FollowTheLogicChain Jeez, you hoaxers really believe the govt would make UP something this insane? Sometimes reality’s weird but awesome.
FollowTheLogicChain
@jamesjamesjames