Tears of the Moon - Di Morrissey [183]
Then came the hardest task of all—writing to Tyndall.
My darling John,
This is the hardest letter to write … we have all been struck a cruel blow. I do not understand how it is that when I have happiness in my grasp it is snatched away from me. I wonder if I am being punished …
Gilbert has suffered a dreadful stroke and is totally incapacitated. He needs me and, although he appears as a vegetable, I know inside he is fully conscious. So I cannot turn my back on him. Even if I believed he was not aware I could not abandon him. If I was to do so I believe our own guilt would destroy our love. You have Maya now, and our beautiful shared granddaughter, so it comforts me you aren’t alone. I long for your arms, your lips, your laughter, and you know that you are the love and light of my life. But I have a moral responsibility to Gilbert and I don’t believe you would ask me to cast this aside. Maybe some day, somehow, you and I will be together. But for now and the unforeseeable future it is not to be.
Always,
Olivia
Weeks passed. Gilbert settled into a routine and Olivia began to think about taking him home. Tyndall sent a brief broken-hearted note … I wanted to rip the stars from the sky, I wept at the injustice of it, but much as my heart breaks and I, too, long for you, I recognise your predicament and respect your decision. I suppose that is one of the reasons I love you so much—you are good, honest and loyal, my darling. My love will never waver and I am always here. As always, my beloved, if you need me I will come at once …
Maya offered to come back and help nurse Gilbert but Olivia said it was better if she could help Tyndall with Star of the Sea. Toby and Mabel also sent kind thoughts.
After talking to the doctors, Olivia eventually came to a decision. She would look after Gilbert herself and hope there might come some sort of ‘re-awakening’.
It was a detailed process but Olivia slowly worked her way through the necessary steps. She could not run Shaw House on her own and, while medical colleagues of Gilbert’s had been on call, it was his inspiration that had been the driving force. She went to see the hospital board and persuasively argued the case for them to take over Shaw House as a kind of alternative clinic. Church and political leaders agreed to support it. The volunteers would continue, funding was assured thanks to the wise investment money from the original benefactor. Following newspaper stories about the tragedy of Doctor Shaw and the determination of his wife that his work not be lost, even more donations flowed in, assuring the home’s future.
Olivia sold her house in Fremantle and also Gilbert’s family home. With the proceeds, she bought a large one storey house on a hill on the outskirts of Perth surrounded by several acres of unkept garden, open ground and a few trees. It had beautiful views over the city to the river which she thought Gilbert would enjoy. She remained convinced that, despite his inanimate appearance, under the surface he could see and feel and think.
After the weeks of activity she welcomed the quietude that came with settling into the new house. She had a nurse’s aide come each day and, with Mollie’s help, Olivia was able to move Gilbert from bed to his bathchair. She hired Mollie’s boyfriend, Stan, a shy, strong-shouldered Aboriginal, to help in the garden.
Olivia designed a small gazebo which Stan built in the central part of the garden, a shady retreat near the house where Gilbert could enjoy the garden and views. Stan also laid out paths so Olivia could easily push the bathchair.
She tried to stave off occasional bouts of sadness and self-pity when they struck. But she could not ignore the fact that she was still a relatively young woman with desires and needs and that far away was the man she knew could fulfil them