The 4-Hour Body_ An Uncommon Guide to Ra - Timothy Ferriss [114]
4. Above all, why not do it? If you can afford it, it’s a no-brainer for peace of mind. The potential downside of doing it (cost) is recoverable; the potential downside of not doing it is irreversible.
Think it’s easy to get someone pregnant? Sometimes. Most of the time, after looking at the numbers, it seems surprisingly hit-or-miss.
To be clear, I think adoption is a beautiful thing. I just also want to have children who look like me, and I see no reason not to ensure both can happen. I want Mama Ferriss to be Grandmama Ferriss at some point, even if my testicles check out before I do. Call me old-fashioned.
Is this ego-driven? On some level, of course it is. But so is owning a home or having a decent car, wearing clothing besides what will keep you warm, and doing anything past the base necessities for survival. Humans are ego-driven. I’m human, ergo I’m ego-driven.
1. FIND A SPERM STORAGE FACILITY.
Google “sperm storage,” “sperm bank,” or “sperm donor,” along with your state or city.
2. MAKE AN INITIAL APPOINTMENT AND GET TESTED FOR INFECTIOUS DISEASES.
Most reputable locations will require testing for common STDs prior to storage. I was tested for:
HIV 1 & 2
HTLV I & II
RPR (for syphilis, Al Capone’s farewell song)
HCV (for hepatitis C)
HBsAG and HBcAB (for hepatitis B)
Cost of initial consult: $100–150
Cost of STD lab panel: $150–200
It’s a romantic first date. And yes, I cleared with flying colors.
3. WARM UP YOUR WRISTS AND GET BUSY. SIX SESSIONS PER KID.
Think it’s “one shot, one kill,” macho man? Think again. You’re no Peter North, and even if you were, 50%+ of your sperm count is annihilated by the freezing process.
You should make six sperm deposits for each child you’d like to have. It can take over eight months for a woman to get pregnant with insemination, although in vitro fertilization (IVF) ups the chances somewhat at much higher cost, generally $9,000–12,000 per attempt.
Oh, and forget about abstaining for long periods of time, oddly enough.
For best storage and later fertilization, abstain from ejaculation for at least 48 hours but no more than three days (72 hours) before each session. It’s a tight window. More than four days and dead sperm cells begin to accumulate and cause trouble, as you need a certain ratio of live sperm to dead sperm per 1 cubic centimeter (cc) of volume. I scheduled one deposit every fourth morning: e.g., Monday, 10:00 A.M.; Friday, 10:00 A.M.; Tuesday, 10:00 A.M., etc.
Cost per sample frozen: $150–200 (× 6 = $900–1,200 per potential kid)
4. STORE ALL THE SUSPENDED SWIMMIES SOMEWHERE SAFE.
This is usually handled by the facility that did the initial freezing. This is also where the credit card comes out.
Cost per year: $300–600 (often for all samples)
So, cover the baby’s ears. I’m going to tell you something stunning and disgusting. Something you probably don’t want to hear. Ready? Most guys like pornography. And Santa Claus doesn’t exist.
I’m sorry.
Here’s how the storage facility website sells the “donation” process:
He [the donor/storer] is then shown to a private room where he can collect his specimen in a provided sterile cup.
About as sexy as lethal injection, right?
Well, upon arrival, there were surprises in store. I was led to a cornucopia of porn DVDs around a secret corner. Right in front of a bunch of female lab technicians looking awkward. There was something for everyone in this motley selection. Blind juggler fetish? It would’ve been there. No expense was spared in covering all bases.
I grabbed a few titles (I’ll spare you the names) and headed to a small white room with a sliding door. I followed the lead of a quiet male Asian assistant in a white lab coat. He looked at his feet and departed with “Please wash your hands when you finish.” I didn’t expect a call the next day.
The den of clinical sin was about the size of a hotel bathroom, with a paper sheet–covered