The Adventures of Augie March - Saul Bellow [138]
We had no luck. Now they've taken me in and made me one of them, as if I were their own child. I never understood what a real family was till now, and you ought to know how grateful I am. They may seem a little slowwitted to you"--Mr. and Mrs. Magnus didn't quite get this, Simon's tone being enough for them and the fine satisfaction they took in him, but Charlotte was seized with a laugh in the throat at this mischief interrupting his seriousness--"but they have something you'll have to learn to appreciate, and that's their kindness and the way they stick by their own." when he scrawled this on me, I had a fit of hate for the fat person ", .217 he was becoming, and I wanted to say, "This is crummy, to boost them and tear down your own. What's the matter with Mama or even Grandma?" But then what he said of the Magnuses had its truth, you couldn't miss it. I was a sucker for it too, family love. And though Simon did this thing in a bad gross way I doubt that he could have been absolutely insincere and putting on. Finding yourself amongst warm faces, why, there're many objections that recede, as when enemy women may kiss. Many common lies and hypocrisies are like that, just out of the harmony of the moment. And with Simon there was also a revulsion from his gnawing trouble and his need to get some breath on his Valley of Ezekiel slain. Therefore he was building up his causes for gratitude. And therefore, also, I answered nothing. As he had said this to me, however, they were watching and were suspicious because I didn't grab a piece of this love feast. I had consented to play his game, but I wasn't fast enough to do everything. I had a sea of feeling of my own which I was straining under. And then I think all their unresolved suspicions about Simon came to gather on me. They seemed to expect me to clear myself--all, in their ruddiness and size, including the granny who was dissolving from both, losing color and getting small, an old creature in black, wearing pious wig and amulets, who looked to have metaphysical judgmental powers. Well, they owned stores; maybe they smelled a thief in me. Anyway, they looked at me so acutely that I could perceive myself with their eyes, just about, my sizable head and uncommitted smile, my untrained and anti-disciplinary hair. Instead of asking, "Who are they?" about both Simon and me, they could demand of themselves, "Who is he?" Indeed, who was I to be sharing their gold soup of supper light and, putting their good spoons in my mouth? | Observing this difficulty, Simon quickly came up with a remedy, saying, "Augie is a good kid, he just doesn't know his own mind yet." They were glad to be reassured about me; all they asked was that I should be regular, that I should speak up more, make a few jokes, laugh when all laughed. I ought not to be so different from Simon. Of course there was an obstacle to being like him, which was that I hadn't k yet grasped him in his new character. But I soon caught on a little and made myself more acceptable, even welcome, by joining in the fun and dancing in the parlor after dinner. The only nearly serious hitch, with Mr. Magnus, was that I didn't know how to play pinochle. How was it that a decently brought-up young fellow didn't know how? Otherwise an indulgent easygoing character, Mr. Magnus was dissatisfied about this. Like Talleyrand making a tight mouth about the man who ri'dn't play whist. Simon could play pinochle. (Where had he learned? Well where, for that matter, had all his new accomplishments come from'9) "Oh, Augie is a sort of studious type and he doesn't go in for such things," he said. This wasn't good enough for Mr. Magnus, with the long gray threads of baldness on his robust head. "I don't like a voun" man should gamble either," he said. "But he should play a friendly game." I felt he wasn't unjustified. "I'll play if you teach me," I said which went a long way toward improving the situation and making me one of the house. I sat in a corner with some of the younger children to study pinochle. More relatives came; the vast apartment filled.