The Adventures of Augie March - Saul Bellow [189]
and the hooked links of the spring made that sound which goes in such a queer way with love, and which would have sent away anyone but this particular knocker. She said, "Augie--Mr. March!" and not in the voice of Lucy Magnus but that of Thea Fenchel. For some reason I remembered it and placed it immediately. I got out of bed. "Hey, put on a robe," said Sophie. She was disappointed at the kissing ending when another woman spoke at the door. I put my head out and blocked the door with my shoulder and naked foot. It was Thea. She had said in that note I hadn't seen the last of her, and here she was. "I'm sorry," she said, "but I've already come a couple of times and I want to see you." "Only once, I thought. How did you find me?" "I hired a detective. Then that girl didn't tell you about both times. Is she in there with you? Ask her." "No, that's not the same one. You actually went to a detective agency?" "I'm glad it's not that girl," she said. I didn't answer, only looked. She wasn't keeping her composure very well. That prompt face, different from what I remembered, delicate but not so firm in nerve, widecheeked and pale, her nostrils open wide. I recalled that Mimi had told me she was breathing heavily from the climb, but it must also have been from determination not to give in to disappointment at not finding me alone. She was dressed in a brown silk suit, kind of strikingly watermarked; in spite of all, she wanted me to notice it. But at the same time, by her gloved hands and the unsteadiness of her hat of flowers, I was aware she was trembling; and as the rustling in midocean against the bulwarks is the slight sign of very great miles of depth and extent, the stiffness of the silk gave a small sound of continual tremor. "It's nothing," she said. "How could you tell that I was coming? I don't expect..." I felt no need to be pardoned, as if I should have been waiting for her, and would have been within my rights in smiling but I wasn't able to do that. I had thought back on her as an erratic rich girl with whom the main thing was to be rivals with her sister; I couldn't continue to think so, for no matter how it had started it was now clearly something else. What sets you off not being good enough, you find the better reason once you have got going. This might have happened to her; but I couldn't tell which was uppermost, nobility or illness, whether she was struggling with personal objections of pride or the social ones about what is due a young woman from herself--those spiked things that press with such ugly sharpness on the greater social weakness of women. Whether she fought against or went out to look for a torturing occasion, I mean. But that was not all I thought of or felt by any means. Otherwise I'd have shooed her away, for I liked Sophie Geratis too well to tgive her up because I was merely interested or flattered. Or because I saw a chance to get back at Esther Fenchel through her sister, for, as SSi've said before, I haven't any grudge-bearing ability to speak of. But Isa B at once Sophie wasn't even in it. |f Ht. K "What are you doing?" I said, turning to her. She had put on her |||Jthoes. I saw her hold up her arms and the black dress fell on her ijshoulders. She softly battled her body into it, pulled it into place across |iher breasts and over her hips, and shook her face free of her hair. "Honey, if this is somebody you want to see..." "But, Sophie, I'm with you tonight." "You and me are just having a fling before I'm married, aren't we? taybe you want to get married too. It's just an affair, isn't it?" "You're not going," I said. But she didn't listen, and when she went a. to tie her laces covered the underside of her thigh from me as she Pted her knee. Because I didn't sound firm enough. And through this ! X of covering her. bare leg--not sore, but with a resigned sort of drop | her head--she drew back those vital degrees from lover's heat. To |ve her again I realized I'd have to pass a large number of tests and E| ips last of all I'd have to ask her to marry me. So I admitted in my te mind she was