The Age of Innocence - Edith Wharton [67]
“My dear child—was that it? If you only knew the truth!”
She raised her head quickly. “Then there is a truth I don’t know?”
He kept his hand over hers. “I meant, the truth about the old story you speak of.”
“But that’s what I want to know, Newland—what I ought to know. I couldn’t have my happiness made out of a wrong—an unfairness—to somebody else. And I want to believe that it would be the same with you. What sort of life could we build on such foundations?”
Her face had taken on a look of such tragic courage that he felt like bowing himself down at her feet. “I’ve wanted to say this for a long time,” she went on. “I’ve wanted to tell you that, when two people really love each other, I understand that there may be situations which make it right that they should—should go against public opinion. And if you feel yourself in any way pledged ... pledged to the person we’ve spoken of... and if there is any way ... any way in which you can fulfill your pledge ... even by her getting a divorce ... Newland, don’t give her up because of me!”
His surprise at discovering that her fears had fastened upon an episode so remote and so completely of the past as his love-affair with Mrs. Thorley Rushworth gave way to wonder at the generosity of her view. There was something superhuman in an attitude so recklessly unorthodox, and if other problems had not pressed on him he would have been lost in wonder at the prodigy of the Wellands’ daughter urging him to marry his former mistress. But he was still dizzy with the glimpse of the precipice they had skirted, and full of a new awe at the mystery of young-girlhood.
For a moment he could not speak; then he said: “There is no pledge—no obligation whatever—of the kind you think. Such cases don’t always—present themselves quite as simply as ... But that’s no matter ... I love your generosity, because I feel as you do about those things ... I feel that each case must be judged individually, on its own merits ... irrespective of stupid conventionali ties ... I mean, each woman’s right to her liberty—” He pulled himself up, startled by the turn his thoughts had taken, and went on, looking at her with a smile: “Since you understand so many things, dearest, can’t you go a little farther, and understand the uselessness of our submitting to another form of the same foolish con ventionalities ? If there’s no one and nothing between us, isn’t that an argument for marrying quickly, rather than for more delay?”
She flushed with joy and lifted her face to his; as he bent to it he saw that her eyes were full of happy tears. But in another moment she seemed to have descended from her womanly eminence to helpless and timorous girlhood; and he understood that her courage and initiative were all for others, and that she had none for herself. It was evident that the effort of speaking had been much greater than her studied composure betrayed, and that at his first word of reassurance she had dropped back into the usual, as a too adventurous child takes refuge in its mother’s arms.
Archer had no heart to go on pleading with her; he was too much disappointed at the vanishing of the new being who had cast that one deep look at him from her transparent eyes. May seemed to be aware of his disappointment, but without knowing how to alleviate it; and they stood up and walked silently home.
17
“YOUR COUSIN THE COUNTESS called on mother while you were away,” Janey Archer announced to her brother on the evening of his return.
The young man, who was dining alone with his mother and sister, glanced up in surprise and saw Mrs. Archer’s gaze demurely bent on her plate. Mrs. Archer did not regard her seclusion from the world as a reason for being forgotten by it; and Newland guessed that she was slightly annoyed that he should be surprised by Madame Olenska’s visit.
“She had on a black velvet polonaise with jet buttons, and a tiny green monkey muff; I never saw her so stylishly