The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rod - Terry Pratchett [78]
'Is it threatening us?' said the Mayor, looking down at Darktan.
'No, Mr Mayor,' said Darktan, 'I'm offering you…' He glanced at Maurice, who nodded. '… a wonderful opportunity.'
'You really can talk? You can think?' said the mayor.
Darktan looked up at him. It had been a long night. He didn't want to remember any of it. And now it was going to be a longer, harder day. He took a deep breath. 'Here's what I suggest,' he said. 'You pretend that rats can think, and I'll promise to pretend that humans can think, too.'
CHAPTER 12
"Well done, Ratty Rupert!" cried the animals of Furry Bottom.
- From Mr Bunnsy Has An Adventure
The crowd clustered into the Rathaus's council hall. Most of it had to stay outside, craning over other people's heads to see what was going on.
The town council was crammed around one end of their long table. A dozen or so of the senior rats were crouched at the other end.
And, in the middle, was Maurice. He was suddenly there, leaping up from the floor.
Hopwick the clockmaker glared at the other members of the council. 'We're talking to rats!' he snapped, trying to make himself heard above the hubbub. 'We'll be a laughing stock if this gets out! "The Town That Talked To Its Rats". Can't you just see it?'
'Rats aren't there to be spoken to,' said Raufman the bootmaker, prodding the mayor with a finger. 'A mayor who knew his business would send for the ratcatchers!'
'According to my daughter, they are locked in a cellar,' said the mayor. He stared at the finger.
'Locked in by your talking rats?' said Raufman.
'Locked in by my daughter,' said the mayor, calmly. 'Take your finger away, Mr Raufman. She's taken the watchmen down there. She's making very serious allegations, Mr Raufman. She says there's a lot of food stored under their shed. She says they've been stealing it and selling it to the river traders. The head rat-catcher is your brother-in-law, isn't he, Mr Raufman? I remember you were very keen to see him appointed, weren't you?'
There was a commotion outside. Sergeant Doppelpunkt pushed his way through, grinning broadly, and laid a big sausage on the table.
'One sausage is hardly theft,' said Raufman.
There was rather more commotion in the crowd, which parted to reveal what was, strictly speaking, a very slowly moving Corporal Knopf. This fact only became clear, though, when he'd been stripped of three bags of grain, eight strings of sausages, a barrel of pickled beetroot and fifteen cabbages.
Sergeant Doppelpunkt saluted smartly, to the sound of muffled swearing and falling cabbages. 'Requesting permission to take six men to help us bring up the rest of the stuff, sir!' he said, beaming happily.
'Where are the rat-catchers?' said the mayor.
'In deep… trouble, sir,' said the sergeant. 'I asked them if they wanted to come out, but they said they'd like to stay in there a bit longer, thanks all the same, although they'd like a drink of water and some fresh trousers.'
'Was that all they said?'
Sergeant Doppelpunkt pulled out his notebook. 'No, sir, they said quite a lot. They were crying, actually. They said they'd confess to everything in exchange for the fresh trousers. Also, sir, there was this.'
The sergeant stepped out and came back with a heavy box, which he thumped down onto the polished table. 'Acting on information received from a rat, sir, we took a look under one of the floorboards. There must be more'n two hundred dollars in it. Ill-gotten gains, sir.'
'You got information from a rat?'
The sergeant pulled Sardines out of his pocket. The rat was eating a biscuit, but he raised his hat politely.
'Isn't that a bit… unhygienic?' said the mayor.
'No, guv, he's washed his hands,' said Sardines.
'I was talking to the sergeant!'
'No,