The American Way of Death Revisited - Jessica Mitford [107]
As a customer following Mr. Johnson into the casket-selection room, you may think you are being shown some randomly placed caskets, with nary a clue to the strategy carefully plotted by SCI, Johnson’s employers, as he leads you through your paces. An SCI directive to its Australian employees reads like a TV miniseries script, complete with stage directions:
As your arrangement comes to the casket selection stage, we would like you to use the following approach:
“Mr. and Mrs.______, I would now like to assist you in selecting a suitable coffin or casket for.”
ENTER SELECTION ROOM AND PROCEED TO STAND BEHIND THE CLASSIC ROYAL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM. GUIDE THE FAMILY TO STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CLASSIC.
“I would like to introduce you to our Classic Royal. This design is that of a European contemporary coffin. It is elegant [sic] finished in Rose Mahogany gloss with fine line gold engraving on the sides. This unit combines expert craftsmanship with a fully satin lined interior. It is priced at $1,595.”
NOW MOVE TO YOUR RIGHT AND STAND BEHIND THE CLASSIC REGAL.
“Here to the right, we have our most recent design and we call this the Classic Regal. It combines the shape of both a coffin and a casket to give us the very popular wider shape with a Rose Mahogany gloss finish. This item combines the versatility of Australian native timber and craftwood. It is priced at $1,995.”
MOVE TO THE WHITE PEARL ON THE STAND TO YOUR LEFT.
“This is our White Pearl.… It has been designed in the traditional coffin shape.… [T]he material from which it is made is craftwood. It is priced at $995.”
NOW PROCEED TO THE HANOVER IN YOUR RIGHT BACK CORNER AND STAND BESIDE IT.
There follows a glowing description of the Hanover, which is priced at $2,995. Doe or counterpart then tells the family:
“I will be just over here (move to near the top of the stairs) if you have any questions.”
The final stage direction:
ALLOW YOUR FAMILY AS MUCH TIME AS THEY NEED BUT ENSURE THAT YOU DO NOT LEAVE THEM IN THE ROOM. READ THEIR BODY LANGUAGE.
The casket prices quoted for Australia may be increased by a factor of three or more for their U.S. equivalent. Note, too, the use of the word “coffin,” a definite no-no in the lexicon of the American funeral trade. But Down Under, the word “casket” may mean—as elsewhere in the English speaking world except for the United States—an ornate box for jewels and other valuables. Australians are just now being indoctrinated by SCI into its undertaker-bestowed meaning of burial receptacles.
SCI has improved upon the somewhat primitive list of okay words (see chapter 5) in its recent manual for the use of its cemetery salespeople (emphasis as in the original text):
Terminology of SCI Cemeteries
A SPECIAL TERMINOLOGY has been developed at all SCI cemeteries in keeping with the memorial park plan. Just as well-designed tablets, flower gardens and statuary of genuine merit have taken the place of bleak and often garish tombstones, so words that are pleasing in their suggestion of BEAUTY AND DIGNITY are used in place of those that are HARSH and linked with depressing ideas. CERTAIN WORDS AND PHRASES long associated with cemeteries sometimes increase sales resistance because they suggest images of a negative, morbid and depressing nature. The following is a list of POSITIVE-ACTION words and phrases in contrast to those that are negative. The latter should, as far as possible, be eliminated from all sales vocabulary.
Herewith a partial list of SCI’s deathless words:
Casket Coach not Hearse
Display Area not Casket Room
Interment Space not Grave
Opening Interment Space not Digging Grave